The Harmless Lies We Tell the Pediatrician
By Samantha McConnell
We have all lied to our child’s pediatrician.
We are all guilty; and I don’t think a single one of us are ashamed to admit it.
Never about anything life threatening of course, we wouldn’t want to impede on the health evaluation of our child. Considering that insurance costs upwards of a zillion dollars (give or take an arm or a leg) annually to pay for these five minute check-ups, providing false information would just be fiscally irresponsible.
Here are five lies that are commonly told to pediatricians at some point, and perfectly logical and arguable justifications for these exaggerations of truth. Rest easy ladies, you aren’t alone in your fibs.
1. Yes, my child gets a wide variety of fruits and vegetables every day, he just loves them!
As a parent, the struggle of feeding is REAL! At some point, knowing when to pick your battle is far more important that getting your toddler to eat that kumquat. Besides, someone has to keep the kid’s gummy vitamins in circulation.
2. She watches no more than three, two, one hour of television a day.
This one is tricky. They know we are bold-faced lying and they know exactly how to navigate and dissect this lie. Not even saying the television is on for background noise escapes their interrogation. Best bet, hope this question isn’t asked.
3. Yes, he gets put to bed tired and before he is asleep.
This one has gotten me into big trouble on numerous occasions (until I learned the importance of omissions of truth of course). Particularly with infants that get a bed-time bottle it is nearly impossible to catch that exact moment when he is still awake, but only barely so; that mythical opportune moment to get him in his crib still slightly awake to establish a consistent and independently fueled sleep routine. I do not think I know of a single person that has been successful in this. Besides, I can say with complete confidence that at this stage of early motherhood, mom herself is falling asleep as well while giving the baby that bed-time bottle. Besides, what better way to end the day than with a sleeping infant nestled in your arms.
4. Yes, she goes to bed in her own bed, in her own room.
This, for some, may fall into the category of omission of truth. Yes, she may go to sleep in her own room, in her own bed, but the doctor doesn’t ask about five minutes after bed time when she just wants to snuggle! Sleep easy on this one ladies.
5. He is off the bottle and only using sippy cups!
… Except at bed time. This I consider another omission. Cutting down from 4-5 bottles a day is a huge accomplishment in itself. Until you are ready to handle a few nights, or even weeks, of a screaming and exhausted child who has become accustomed to that bottle to fall asleep, keep omitting mom, I promise I won’t tell.
