It usually starts with a sentence that sounds reassuring.
“Everything looks normal.”
Sometimes it is said to you. Sometimes it is said about your child.
And somehow, instead of relief, you feel smaller.
You went to the appointment because something felt off. Maybe it was your own body. The fatigue that would not lift. The pain that did not make sense. The anxiety that arrived out of nowhere. The brain fog. The heart racing. The sense that something inside you had shifted.
Or maybe it was your child. The stomachaches before school. The headaches at night. The behavioral changes. The sudden withdrawal. The sleep struggles. The tears that seemed bigger than the situation.
You did not go lightly. You rearranged your schedule. You worried. You questioned yourself. You told yourself you might be overreacting.
And then you walked into that exam room anyway.
You explained everything carefully.
And then came the sentence.
“Everything looks normal.”
Maybe followed by, “It’s probably stress.”
Or, “Kids go through phases.”
Or, “You’re just tired.”
Or, “You might be anxious.”
You leave with no answers. Just doubt.
When You Start Doubting Yourself
Medical gaslighting does not always look dramatic. It does not always involve raised voices or obvious dismissal. Often, it is subtle. Polite. Clinical.
It happens when symptoms are minimized. When concerns are brushed aside without deeper investigation. When emotional explanations are offered before medical ones are explored.
For mothers, this cuts two ways.
You question your own body.
And you question your instincts about your child.
Maybe I am being dramatic.
Maybe I am projecting.
Maybe I worry too much.
Maybe this is normal.
So you wait.
You monitor.
You push through.
Until something escalates or lingers long enough that you circle back.
Why Mothers Feel This So Deeply
Mothers are often the first to notice when something is wrong.
We live in the details. We know baseline moods. We know eating patterns. We know what “normal” looks like in our homes.
When that intuition is dismissed, it is not just frustrating. It feels destabilizing.
And when it involves your child, it can feel almost unbearable.
You are not just advocating for yourself. You are advocating for someone who may not yet have the words to explain what is happening inside them.
When a provider says, “It’s probably nothing,” but your gut says otherwise, you are left in a painful in-between space.
Trust the professional.
Trust your instinct.
What if they conflict.
The “Normal” Problem
Normal test results are important. They rule out many serious conditions. But normal does not always mean resolved.
Lab ranges are based on averages. They do not account for individual history, subtle hormone shifts, early-stage conditions, or complex presentations.
A child can have normal labs and still struggle with anxiety, sensory issues, or sleep disorders.
A mother can have normal labs and still be experiencing perimenopause, autoimmune symptoms, or chronic stress responses.
Normal is not the same as well.
And when that distinction is not acknowledged, families are left searching on their own.
The Emotional Toll of Being Dismissed
Repeated dismissal chips away at confidence.
Mothers describe leaving appointments feeling embarrassed for asking questions. They begin to edit themselves before speaking. They downplay symptoms. They hesitate to follow up.
Some stop seeking care altogether.
Others bounce from provider to provider, hoping someone will finally listen.
When this pattern continues, it affects mental health. Anxiety increases. Self-doubt grows. Frustration turns into quiet resignation.
You start wondering whether you are the problem.
You are not.
When It Is About Your Child
Advocating for your own health is hard.
Advocating for your child’s health is harder.
Because now, waiting feels riskier.
When your child says their stomach hurts every day and you are told it is just nerves.
When your teen struggles with focus and you are told they need better discipline.
When your child cannot sleep and you are told it is a phase.
Sometimes it is a phase.
And sometimes it is not.
The challenge is knowing the difference.
And you cannot know the difference if concerns are brushed aside too quickly.
What Advocacy Actually Looks Like
Advocacy does not require confrontation. It requires clarity and persistence.
It can mean:
Bringing written notes to appointments.
Tracking symptoms over time.
Asking directly, “What else could this be.”
Requesting referrals.
Seeking second opinions.
Trusting your instinct when something does not sit right.
It can also mean pausing long enough to reflect honestly. Not every symptom is catastrophic. Not every concern is a hidden condition. But dismissal without exploration is not care.
Mothers deserve more than reassurance. Children deserve more than assumptions.
The Bigger System Problem
Most providers care deeply.
But healthcare systems are rushed. Appointments are short. Women’s health research remains underfunded. Pediatric behavioral health is stretched thin.
Bias, even unconscious bias, plays a role. Studies continue to show that women’s pain is more likely to be underestimated. Emotional explanations are more quickly assigned.
When you layer motherhood on top of that, with its cultural expectation of quiet endurance, the risk of being unheard increases.
This is not about blaming doctors.
It is about acknowledging patterns.
A Message to Every Mother Reading This
If you have ever left an appointment feeling smaller than when you walked in, please hear this.
You are not dramatic.
You are not overprotective.
You are not imagining things.
You are paying attention.
Your body deserves attention.
Your child deserves attention.
Your intuition deserves respect.
Sometimes “everything is normal” truly is good news.
And sometimes, it is the beginning of another conversation.
You are allowed to keep asking questions.
You are allowed to seek clarity.
You are allowed to expect care that listens fully.
And you never have to apologize for that.
