By John Christmann www.dadinthebox.com
My son has discovered girls. I know this because I just received a bill for $150 in text messaging charges.
I thought I had an unlimited plan, but it turns out I had a limited unlimited plan for a limited time only such that if I exceeded my unlimited plan limit I would be charged a limited message fee. So theoretically my bill could be, well, unlimited.
At least this is how it was explained to me by the nice service representative at Verizon. Thank goodness she didn’t text me this explanation.
Based on my limited understanding of my unlimited plan, I did some quick message calculations. I was astounded. Don’t you ever sleep? I am surprised your thumbs aren’t tied in knots! Who all are you texting? And what are you texting about?
I didn’t expect him to answer—he is fourteen. But I did want him to squirm before I asked my real question: What’s her name?
My son thinks I was born yesterday. Sadly, he is right. When I was his age there were no cell phones and there was no Internet. If I wanted to communicate with girls outside of school I had to use something called a telephone; which is pretty much why I avoided talking to girls outside of school.
I would have given anything to send abbreviated acronyms with my thumbs because at fourteen, that was pretty much all I could handle. My evolving social vocabulary was strewn about my head in fragments and didn’t really have a neural pathway out my mouth. My wife says not much has changed.
But I understand that communicating something as simple as “Hi” appears a lot cooler across a cell phone screen than over a squeaky set of vocal chords. So I changed my limited unlimited plan to accommodate his unlimited limited social vocabulary. And the other day he actually called me.
“Dad,” he said informatively, “I just sent you a text.”
Then he hung up.
Oh, btw, her name is Jessica.
