It usually doesn’t start with a dramatic fight.

It starts with a sigh.

A short answer.
A missed text.
A “Can you just handle it?”

And suddenly the house feels heavy.

Not because you stopped loving each other.

But because you are both running on fumes.

For many couples, the biggest strain on marriage after kids is not betrayal, incompatibility, or explosive arguments. It is exhaustion. Chronic, layered, unrelenting exhaustion.

And exhaustion changes everything.

The Quiet Shift From Lovers to Logistics Managers

Before kids, you had space. Space to talk. Space to miss each other. Space to recover after a disagreement.

After kids, especially in the early years, you become operators.

Schedules.
Meals.
Bath time.
Bedtime.
Work deadlines.
School emails.
Soccer practice.

Conversations start sounding like staff meetings.

“Did you sign that form?”
“Who’s picking her up?”
“Did you call the pediatrician?”

Romance does not usually disappear in a dramatic crash. It erodes quietly under the weight of coordination.

The shift from intimacy to logistics is subtle. But it is powerful.

Why Tired Couples Feel More Irritable

When you are sleep deprived or mentally overloaded, your nervous system is already on edge. Your brain has less capacity for patience, empathy, and thoughtful response.

Small issues feel bigger. Neutral comments sound critical. A forgotten task feels personal.

You snap faster.
You assume worse.
You defend quicker.

Exhaustion lowers your emotional buffer.

It is not that you suddenly disagree on core values. It is that your bodies are stressed, your minds are cluttered, and your margin is gone.

And when margin disappears, grace often goes with it.

The Myth That Conflict Is the Biggest Threat

Many couples panic when they argue more after kids. They assume increased tension means something is fundamentally wrong.

But conflict is not always the real issue.

Disconnection is.

Exhausted couples often stop checking in emotionally. They function side by side instead of together. They survive the day rather than share it.

It can look like distance.
It can feel like rejection.

But often, it is depletion.

When you are depleted, connection requires effort you may not feel like you have.

The Mental Load Factor

One of the biggest tension points in modern marriages is the invisible mental load.

Who remembers the dentist appointments?
Who keeps track of teacher emails?
Who notices when shoes are too small?
Who plans birthdays?

Even when tasks are shared, the anticipation and planning often sit heavier on one partner. That imbalance, especially when combined with exhaustion, quietly builds resentment.

Not explosive resentment.

Just a slow simmer.

And when you are tired, that simmer rises faster.

What Actually Helps

Here is the hopeful part.

If exhaustion is part of the problem, it is also part of the solution.

First, normalize the season. The early parenting years are intense. The middle years are busy. The teen years are emotionally demanding. Each stage brings its own fatigue. Recognizing that stress is seasonal can reduce panic.

Second, lower the bar strategically. Not for your marriage, but for everything else. Perfect house, elaborate meals, constant commitments. Trim where you can. Energy is finite.

Third, communicate energy levels instead of accusations. There is a difference between “You never help” and “I am running on empty today.” One triggers defense. The other invites partnership.

Fourth, protect small pockets of connection. Not elaborate date nights that require babysitters and planning stress. Five minutes of undistracted conversation. Sitting together after the kids go to bed instead of scrolling separately. A hug that lasts longer than two seconds.

Connection does not always require grand gestures. It requires intentional presence.

Finally, divide mental load openly. Not in a frustrated blow up, but in a calm audit. What is each person carrying? What feels heavy? What can shift?

Clarity reduces resentment.

Drawing a Line Between Fatigue and Something Deeper

It is also important to pause here.

Exhaustion explains a lot. It does not explain everything.

If there are patterns of disrespect, emotional withdrawal, chronic dishonesty, addiction, or abuse, those issues require more than extra sleep and better scheduling. They require serious attention and sometimes outside support.

But for many couples who find themselves saying, “We love each other. We’re just tired,” the core of the relationship is still intact.

It is simply buried under laundry piles, calendar alerts, and unfinished to do lists.

And that is a very different starting point than a broken foundation.

This Season Is Not the Whole Story

Marriage after kids is different.

It is less spontaneous.
It is more practical.
It is louder.

But it can also be deeper.

Shared struggle builds resilience. Surviving hard seasons together strengthens partnership. Raising humans together creates a bond that dating never could.

The goal is not to get back to pre-kid marriage. That version of you no longer exists.

The goal is to build the next version.

One where you acknowledge the exhaustion instead of blaming each other for it.

One where tired does not automatically mean disconnected.

Because sometimes the most honest thing you can say is not “We are drifting apart.”

It is simply, “We are exhausted.”

And that is something you can work with.

The post We Love Each Other. We’re Just Tired. appeared first on AKAMom Magazine.

You stand there.

You stare at the counter like it personally betrayed you.

Why are you here?

Right. Coffee.

You already made coffee.

It is in the microwave.

For the third time.

Welcome to mom brain.

We joke about it constantly. We send memes. We blame it when we forget passwords, misplace phones, or call one child by the other child’s name and then somehow land on the dog’s name too.

But beneath the humor is something very real. The fog. The forgetfulness. The sense that your once razor sharp mind now feels like it is buffering.

Here is the good news. You are not losing intelligence. You are not becoming less capable. Your brain has simply shifted priorities.

What Is Actually Happening

Pregnancy and early motherhood trigger measurable neurological changes. Hormones fluctuate dramatically. Sleep gets interrupted. Stress increases. At the same time, your cognitive load multiplies.

Studies have shown that pregnancy can reshape areas of the brain related to empathy, social awareness, and emotional processing. Certain structural changes appear to make mothers more attuned to their babies’ needs. In other words, your brain reorganizes itself around caregiving.

It is not shrinking into incompetence. It is specializing.

When your brain is recalibrating for attachment, vigilance, and emotional scanning, it is going to prioritize differently. Remembering where you put your sunglasses may not rank as high as detecting subtle shifts in your child’s mood.

That does not mean you are declining. It means you are adapting.

It Is Not Just Pregnancy

Many moms expect the fog to lift once the baby sleeps through the night. And then years later, they are still wondering why they cannot remember why they opened the fridge.

That is because mom brain is not only hormonal. It is logistical.

Motherhood introduces chronic cognitive load. You are carrying a running checklist in your head at all times. School forms. Pediatric appointments. Sports schedules. Birthday gifts. What is for dinner. Who needs new shoes. Whether you signed that permission slip.

That mental background noise is constant.

You are essentially operating with 42 tabs open in your brain at all times. And occasionally one of them crashes.

Usually the tab labeled “Where Did I Park.”

Why It Feels Worse Than It Is

Here is where comparison sneaks in.

You remember your pre kid brain. You could sit through meetings without interruption. You could finish reading something in one sitting. You could focus for extended periods without someone yelling “Mom!” from another room.

Now your attention is split dozens of times per hour. Research shows that frequent task switching reduces working memory performance temporarily. The more you switch, the harder it is to hold details in short term memory.

You are not less intelligent.

You are more interrupted.

That distinction matters.

The Cognitive Trade Off

Here is something we do not talk about enough. While short term recall can feel foggy, many mothers report increased emotional intelligence, faster problem solving under pressure, and sharper intuition.

You may forget your own PIN code. But you can sense when something is off with your child before anyone else notices.

You may lose your train of thought mid sentence. But you can coordinate childcare, logistics, schedules, and emotional support simultaneously.

That is not decline. That is a shift in strengths.

Practical Ways to Clear the Mental Clutter

Now let’s get practical.

You cannot remove the mental load entirely. But you can lighten it.

First, stop trying to store everything in your head. Externalize information. Use shared digital calendars, notes apps, planners, whiteboards, whatever system feels natural. Your brain functions better when it is used for thinking rather than storage.

Second, protect your sleep like it is part of your job description. Sleep is directly tied to memory consolidation and cognitive clarity. Even small improvements in consistency can make a noticeable difference. That may mean earlier bedtimes or putting the phone down sooner than you want to.

Third, move your body. Physical activity increases blood flow to the brain and helps regulate stress hormones. It does not need to be extreme. A brisk walk counts. Dancing in the kitchen counts. Anything that gets oxygen flowing helps.

Fourth, reduce decision fatigue. Simplify repetitive choices. Rotate meal plans. Streamline wardrobes. Automate bill pay. The fewer small decisions you make daily, the more mental energy you preserve.

Finally, practice focused attention in short bursts. Ten minutes of uninterrupted concentration on one task can strengthen cognitive endurance. The brain responds to repetition and training.

When to Look Deeper

Mom brain is common. But if memory issues feel severe, rapidly worsening, or paired with mood changes, confusion, or personality shifts, it is important to consult a healthcare provider.

Thyroid imbalances, vitamin deficiencies, anxiety, depression, and perimenopause can all affect cognitive function. Many of these are treatable. Clarity often improves once underlying issues are addressed.

Trust your instincts. You know your baseline.

What This Season of Your Brain Is Really Showing You

Mom brain is not a joke. It is not weakness. It is not evidence that you are slipping.

It is your brain adapting to one of the most cognitively demanding roles a human can take on.

You are managing logistics, emotions, schedules, safety, and relationships simultaneously. That requires enormous mental energy. The occasional forgotten grocery item does not cancel out the strength it takes to hold all of that.

So yes, you might forget why you walked into the pantry.

But you remember who needs you.

And that says more about your brain than any meme ever could.

The post “Mom Brain” Is Real. But Here’s What It Actually Is. appeared first on AKAMom Magazine.

Did you know that the average person loses roughly 100 strands of hair per day? Sounds like a lot, right? Not when you put it into perspective.

Here are just a few common and not-so-common reasons why your tresses may not be so tangible:

Stress: Whether emotional, mental or physical, stress plays one of the biggest roles in women who suffer from hair loss. As a normal part of growth, hair will grow for a few years then have a resting period for a few months. This resting period in the hair growth cycle is called Telogen, and it’s characterized by a period of shedding followed by regrowth. In cases where men and/or women suffer from high levels of emotional, mental or physical stress (loss of a loved one, divorce, major surgery, crash diets, and yes, even pregnancy), it is possible that hair is prematurely pushed into this resting stage of the hair growth cycle (also known as Telogen Effluvium). It’s also common to find this type of hair loss on other parts of the body including arms, legs and genital region.

Poor Diet: Lack of proper nutrition and vitamin intake can wreak havoc on your hair. Diets high in fatty and fried foods, sugars and simple carbohydrates can result in slower hair growth and overall decrease in the health of your hair. If you notice your skin is not as bright and clear as it once was and your hair isn’t looking as long and lush either, it’s time to connect the dots and make a change in your eating habits ASAP. Diets lacking proper proteins (plant or animal based) are a major culprit in this scenario.

Genes: Remember when your Aunt Betty starting going bald at the ripe old age of 45 and you thought such a thing could never happen to your luscious locks? Well, think again. Female pattern hair loss, or FPHL, has a strong genetic predisposition. Women of all ages can be affected by FPHL, but research shows that it occurs most commonly during and/or after menopause (as if that time of life isn’t hard enough!). This heredity hair thinning and balding affects an average of 80 million Americans, so finding a support group probably won’t be too difficult.

Improper Haircare: Ladies love their haircare products and styling tools, but it all comes at a cost. Frequently using harsh chemicals to color or bleach hair, daily use of hot tools for styling and restrictive products such as rubber hairbands and clips can cause extreme breakage that leaves hair looking and feeling brittle and dried out. The goal is to lock moisture in, not burn it out.

Aging: Though no one ever really wants to admit or confront the signs of growing old, it’s inevitable -even with Botox. Along with liver spots and the sagging of previously tight skin, women often experience accelerated rates of hair loss and graying. Noticeability in women it occurs in or around the time of menopause (50+ years).

Illness: Underlying medical conditions can prompt acute hair loss in both men and women, such as anemia, diabetes, and thyroid disease, just to name a few. Why many illness-related hair loss cases can be reversed, it’s takes medical evaluation to know which circumstance is causing the thinning or balding.

Overdose of Certain Vitamins: According to the American Academy of Dermatology, people who consume too much Vitamin A in their diet have experienced acute hair loss. In contrast, people who don’t consume enough iron can see similar affects.

So, that’s the bad news. But don’t fret – we’ve got some simple solutions to mend your mane. Here’s how:

Biotin Boost: Also known as Vitamin H, biotin is found in small amounts of numerous foods, but is often lacking in many adults’ diets. Adding a daily dose of biotin to your oral supplement regimen will boast brilliant results you can see and feel.

Pack in the Protein: If your diet doesn’t consists of enough animal or plant based protein, your body may ration whatever protein is available by slowing or shutting down hair growth. Adding a healthy amount of proteins such as fish, eggs, romaine lettuce, nuts and beans can bring your hair back to life within just a few months. And, of course, wash it all down with a minimum of 64 ounces of water a day.

Beat the Heat: If you’ve using a blow dryer, curling iron or flat iron on a daily basis, you’re asking for trouble. Doctors suggests limiting your use of these styling tools to once a week at the most in order to prevent damage and hair breakage and/or loss.

To Brush or Not to Brush: Rubbing wet hair with a towel after showering followed by a quick brushing seems innocent enough, right? Turns out it’s a sure-fire way to expect more breakage and possible loss. Hair is more elastic when wet, therefore it can break off easier than when it’s dry. Dermatologists suggest letting hair air-dry and limit combing or brushing to less than 100 strokes a day.

Feast on Fruits and Veggies: As if you didn’t already know, fruits and vegetables provide a host of vitamins and minerals that are known to promote healthy hair and nails. If you’re looking for the right fruits and veggies to add to your diet, here’s a link to get you started: Bests Foods for Hair Loss.

Make a Visit to the Medicine Man: If you think an outstanding illness is to blame for your excessive hair loss, a quick trip to the doctor for a blood test could put your mind at ease. Your physician may be able to pinpoint the root cause of your problem and provide a prescription or at-home remedy.

Scalp Massage, Anyone?: Getting the blood to flow through your scalp is the easiest way to promote hair growth. Stimulate your follicles for just 10 minutes a day to see an improvement. To increase stimulation, certain oils can be used including coconut, olive, almond or sesame.

The post Why You’re Losing Your Hair and What You Can Do About It appeared first on AKAMom Magazine.

So you’re stressed? That’s nothing new.  You might be too busy pulling your hair out or chewing your fingernails down to the cuticle to read this with a clear mind, but this is something that you will definitely benefit from in the long run.  And don’t just speed read, let it really sink in.

First of all, we love a good TED Talk, especially when alternative conclusions to conventional theories are up for debate and discussion. Never heard of TED before? Here’s what you’re missing: Industry leaders, scientists, doctors, scholars, moguls and philanthropists alike spread their ideas through short yet powerful talks covering topics from business to medicine to global issues, all in the name of free knowledge and deeper understanding of the world around us.

Exhibit A: Psychologist Kelly McGonigal.  In a 2013 TED Talk, McGonigal urged her audience to purge conventional understanding of stress and encouraged them to embrace the benefits instead.

In her presentation, McGonigal admits that throughout her ten-year tenure as a psychologist, she told her patients that stress makes a person sick and heightens their chance of illness, from common issues to severe medical problems such as cardiovascular disease.

She had a radical epiphany, however, that came when a study found that people who viewed stress as harmful to their health did indeed suffer from health-related issues and even premature death.  Their counterparts, who in comparison had neutral views of stress, had a lower risk of death of anyone in the study.

“When you change your mind about stress, you can change your body’s response to stress,” McGonigal stated.

To get her audience to understand this concept, she had them all pretend they were participants in a study meant to cause stress.  At the end of this experiment, she explained that while their hearts are pounding and their breathing a bit faster and perhaps even sweating from the brow, they should not interpret these changes to their physical being as negative signs of anxiety or inability to cope or perform.  Actually, she suggested quite the opposite.

“The pounding heart is preparing you for action. If you’re breathing faster, it’s no problem. It’s getting more oxygen to the brain.  This is your body rising to the challenge.  And when you view stress in that way, your body believes you, and your stress response becomes healthier.”

McGonigal continued to convey what new science has found about stress when she stated, “over a lifetime of stressful experiences, this one biological change could be the difference between a stress-induced heart attack at age 50 and living well into your 90s.”

After reviewing several other studies, including one conducted at Harvard University, McGonigal’s speech aimed to debunk the health-related fears associated with stress, and in turn provided meaningful insight into the benefits of a healthy outlook on everyday stress, big or small.

Stress is synonymous with life, especially parenting.  Just as McGonigal challenged her audience to befriend stress instead of demonize it, we give you that same task.  The next time you think your child’s temper, bad attitude, lack of respect or general tomfoolery will cause your heart to explode in your chest, just remember…the brain is a powerful tool.  Rather than harming your health with negative thoughts about stress, embrace it for what it is and move on.  You’ll be thankful you did.

The post Stress: Friend or Foe? appeared first on AKAMom Magazine.

It’s back-to-school time and this time of year makes many kids feel anxious.  Some are starting school for the first time, while others have new schools, new teachers and new schedules.  Feeling anxious and nervous during this time is normal and understandable. Parents can help ease the transition of going back to school with these simple strategies.

1. Start Early.  Begin talking about school several weeks before they actually go. Create excitement about the upcoming day by taking them “back-to-school” shopping for school supplies and clothing. Get back in the rhythm of things by reading together, practicing math problems and other school like activities. Talk excitedly about school for several weeks prior. By the time they go to school, hopefully they will be in a routine and comfortable with the idea of going to school.

2. Take a tour of the school and meet teachers. Don’t skip the open house. Your child will realize they know lots of kids there and the opportunity to meet some of their teachers will greatly reduce their stress. Familiarize them with the building. Whether starting kindergarten or middle school, a new building, new hallways and new kids will cause stress to even the most veteran student.  For kids that will be switching classrooms, do a walk-through so they know their routes and won’t get lost.

3. Talk to them about bullying. Make sure they understand what it means to be a bully and to be bullied. Walk them through the steps of what to do if they or someone they know are being bullied.  Give them a safe, confidential source (school counselor, homeroom teacher, etc.) to go to if they see bullying or are bullied themselves so they know there is support available in the school as well as at home.

4.  Include a little note or treat in their lunchbox or backpack. This little gesture will make mom feel a little closer even when she’s not right there.

5.  Arrange play dates with future classmates for younger kids.  Start organizing the play dates in the summer so they have already formed some friendships before school starts.

6.  Remind them that they are not alone in their anxiety. There are plenty of children who will be feeling the same way they are, and they should talk with their friends and teachers about their feelings.

7.  Make a couple of trips to the school playground over the summer. This activity will make them feel more comfortable and look forward to recess when school starts. Find out what games are played at recess and play them with your child over the summer so he/she can confidently join in.

8.  School bus stress. The school bus might be a stressor for younger kids.  Take a few practice rides on a city bus with your child so they get a sense of what it’s like (safety rules, standing in line, not standing up when the bus is in motion, etc.).  Ask the school bus company for the route map in advance so you can drive your child through the neighborhood and point out specific landmarks, signs so they should look for so they know which stop is theirs.

9.  Be there when they get home the first day. Nothing wipes away anxiety like mom welcoming you home with a special “first day of school” treat.  Your child will realize they made it through the first day, and they had fun! Listen to their stories, encourage them to talk, keep things positive and upbeat.

Have a great school year!

Daddy Nickell

Robert Nickell, aka Daddy Nickell, father of 7, offers his “5 cents” worth of advice to expectant and new parents. Daddy Nickell is the founder of Daddyscrubs.com, delivery room duds and daddy gifts and apparel, and the DaddyScrubs blog where he covers topics about parenting all from a Dad’s perspective.

The post Helping Kids with Back-to-School Stress appeared first on AKAMom Magazine.

Today’s youth are bombarded with a multitude of stressors—a great deal more than we ever faced as kids.  There’s societal stress, the burden of homework and school performance, peer pressure and bullying and the demand of extra-curricular activities. These factors can all trigger anxiety and stress in children. Daddy Nickell shares some insight on how to spot signs of stress in your kids:

1.  Watch your child’s behavior and be concerned if you notice they’ve lost interest in things they were previously interested in such as sports or art.  If they are withdrawing from your family and their friends and start isolating themselves, there’s cause to be alarmed and start the conversation with them.  And remember not to trivialize their issues. As their parent, it’s important for you to make them feel valid. What seems small or unimportant to you might be big to them.

2.  As a parent, you see sides of your child that a teacher or coach may not see, like their eating or sleeping habits. Life gets busy, but it’s important to take time and note your child’s everyday behaviors such as eating, sleeping and overall disposition.  If they aren’t eating family meals like they used to, are having issues like increased anger or hyperactivity or start having nightmares or insomnia for no obvious reason, it’s time for a sit down heart-to-heart to see if there’s something going on that you’re not aware of. If the behavior feels strangely out of character for your child, don’t chalk it up to a “stage” or teenage angst without doing some digging.

3.  If you’re noticing some different behavior from your child at home, check in with your child’s teacher to see how your child is performing in class. You’ll get another perspective and their teacher might have more to offer you in terms of their ability to concentrate in class, completing of their homework or general personality during the day.  These are important keys to finding out if something is going on with your child.

4.  Trust your instincts as a parent. If something feels “off” with your child, don’t assume anything or be afraid to ask them. If something in the pit of your stomach tells you to investigate deeper, do it.  Your child needs you to be their advocate and help them guide them through rough times.

Remember to really listen to your kids, stay tuned in to their world and watch for different behaviors they may exhibit.  Being a parent can be a tough job but you can do it! 

Sincerely, 

Daddy Nickell

Robert Nickell, aka Daddy Nickell, father of 7, offers his “5 cents” worth of advice to expectant and new parents.  Daddy Nickell is the founder of Daddyscrubs.com, delivery room duds plus apparel and gifts for new dads, and the Daddyscrubs.com blog where he covers topics about parenting and the latest baby and kids gear, all from a Dad’s perspective.

The post How to Spot Signs of Stress in Children appeared first on AKAMom Magazine.

The holidays are supposed to be magical – freshly fallen snow, twinkling lights and wonderful family dinners, right? Not necessarily. No matter how perfect you may like to pretend your family is, there’s bound to be at least one person who pushes your (or everybody’s) buttons. Whether it’s the aunt who suggests that your hips don’t need that second eggnog, or the estranged sister who has a shouting match with your father, for most, there’s never a shortage of stressful family moments – especially during the season of good cheer. Consider these not-so-Kodak moments:

Holiday horror stories

Jill* (names have been changed to protect the stressed) of New York used to look forward to her big holiday meal as a time to catch up with siblings who she didn’t see very often. Now, since her mother has implemented a policy of inviting everyone who’s alone on Christmas to dinner, she has to deal with an alcoholic ex-stepfather who berates her mom during the meal, swears and stumbles in front of the kids and flirts with her father’s ex-wife. “Although it’s nice idea that no one’s left out, it makes it very difficult to simply sit back and enjoy everyone’s company,” she says.

Melanie of Denver, CO, used to feel tense when sharing dinner with her grandparents. Whether he insulted her grandmother’s cooking or intelligence level, it never took long for her grandfather to say something truly insensitive while the rest of the family cringed.

Victoria of Niagara Falls, NY, has an evil sister in-law. “She’s called me rude, ugly and even fat,” she says. “It’s stressful because I never know what she’s going to pull.” Although Victoria ignores her sister in-law and “fakes nice” at family get-togethers, it’s still a painful and uncomfortable situation.

Have your own crazy family issues that make holiday dinners less than jolly? Don’t fret. Noah St. John, relationship and success expert and founder of SuccessClinic.com offers quick and easy ways to help everyone get along better and hopefully bring the happy back into your holidays.   

Consider the other point of view

Instead of getting angry that Uncle Bob keeps insulting your cooking, think about why he may be saying these mean comments, suggests St. John. Maybe he just found out that his wife is having an affair or perhaps he’s embarrassed because his apartment is too small to host a family gathering. You never truly know what is going on in another person’s mind, so it’s important not to jump to conclusions, and to try to understand why a person may act the way he does.

Act like a stranger

We often assume that we know everything there is to know about our family members and don’t bother asking them about their views on recent news stories, art or even learn about their favorite hobby. Pretend that you’re meeting your relative for the first time and try to take a genuine interest in what he or she is interested in. (When you’re first trying this out, it’s probably best to stay away from hot-button topics like politics or religion!) It’ll give you something to talk about and may help to give you a different perspective on their personalities. Plus, everyone loves to talk about themselves, so it may loosen ‘em up a little bit. And you may just realize that there’s more to cranky cousin Katie than you thought.

Play 20 Questions

The number one secret to getting along is to have your questions outnumber your statements by at least two to one, says St. John. “There is no greater gift you can give to another than the gift of paying attention.” Plus, it’s hard to learn about another person if you’re the one who’s always dominating the conversation. So get over there and start asking questions – open-ended ones starting with “who, what, when, where, why and how” are best. You’ll be surprised at the things you’ll learn.

Don’t ignore the situation

Next time your evil sister in-law calls you stupid, you need to politely confront her. “You are dealing with a bully,” St. John explains. “And when you ignore her, you’re playing right into the bully’s hands.” Instead, confront her with a question. Ask her what she means when she says you’re unintelligent, or say “why would you say something like that.” If you act like you honestly don’t know what the other person is talking about, it can help derail her attack. “Then she’s forced to defend her weak position,” he says. “[which] works especially well in front of others.”

Get support elsewhere

Sick of being the one who always has to act interested and try to maintain the peace? Don’t kill yourself trying to understand why no one else seems to take an interest in you. Instead, realize that your family is what it is. “Just because you’re evolved doesn’t mean the people you grew up with will be too,” says St. John. “It’s great if your family members are the ones who love and support you, but the reality is that doesn’t always happen.” So you need to find others – friends, partners, whoever, who can see you for who you are and give you that love and support that you need. It’ll be easier to accept those who don’t give you that unconditional support if you have a handful of others who do.

If all else fails, leave

If the situation is so bad that you’re miserable, it may be time to give up. Sometimes there’s nothing we can do to make an uncomfortable situation bearable, especially if we’re being insulted or put down. “There is no law that says you have to stay in an abusive situation, even if it’s with family,” says St. John. In fact, often family is where most abuse comes from. Instead, tell everyone that it’s time for you to leave and then start your own, non-stressful tradition. 

The post Beat stress: How to get along with your family over the holidays appeared first on AKAMom Magazine.