By Katie Bugbee, Care.com Senior Managing Editor

My goal: Raise siblings who were “close.” Close in age and close in friendship.

My plan: Have two kids as close together as (I felt was) possible.

My result: We had two kids under the age of two.

Granted, it was a very short time that my oldest child was still one, however, he barely spoke, was still in diapers and was attached at my hip. So adding a new baby was not the easiest transition. While I still can’t promise they’ll be best friends for life, here are some tricks that worked as we eased our second baby into our daily lives. If you find yourself in the same situation, I hope they’ll work for you.

And please share anything that worked for you below!

Create Special Toys for Quiet Times. It’s amazing how quickly you realize you can juggle once you have two kids. And while your hospital stay is all about you and your newborn, life at home will be focused on the big kid all over again. Until the baby cries or needs to eat. That’s when you need to figure out something he or she can do by himself, or with you helping one-handed. I recommend creating a special bin of toys and books for these times. You can call a fun name (the Lila-Bin) and when you need to nurse the baby – or have some peace and quiet — she takes her bin and pulls something “special” out.

Get a Baby Doll. It’s so hard to explain to a 1-year old that a new baby is coming home. Or that a baby is inside your belly. The good news is that in a few months, he won’t remember a time without his new sibling. But it’s important to create a loving sense of babies pre-and post-sibling arrival. While you’re still pregnant, get your child a baby doll he can hold, sway, and sing to. Include the baby in bedtime story routines, and have him be in charge of his baby. Then, once the new baby arrives, he can hold his baby when you hold yours. This should help him understand how to love and nurture a newborn.

Make all adjustments now. If you’re planning on moving big sister out of her room or crib, or change from daycare to a nanny, do it as far in advance as possible. You don’t want her to associate the new baby with the other big change that’s happened. I recommend not making any big changes, unless absolutely necessary. So many families rush the big-kid bed or start potty training to prep for a new baby, but your other baby isn’t ready, and two months later, you’re dealing with a toddler who won’t stay in bed or who is having accidents while on errands.  (And what’s worse than cleaning up after a toddler who has an accident in public? Cleaning up the accident with a crying newborn in tow.)

Give big sib jobs. There will be small ways you can let your oldest feel in control of all the change and attention the new baby is causing. Create jobs that he’d find fun, like letting him pick out the baby’s outfit, throwing out the dirty diaper, choosing a book to read, or singing him to sleep.

Create special time. Aim to set aside at least ten minutes of special 1-on-1 time for your older child each day. It might be while the baby is napping, right before bed, or when a partner or helper is home. Let her choose the activity (give choices) and play along. The sense that she has you alone will help keep her from acting out.

Allow for two babies. You might find that your oldest wants to be a baby again. He wants to drink from a bottle, be held more, get carried all the time. This is normal and okay. You won’t permanently set him back if you allow for baby-like behavior. Eventually, you can get him to talk about how cool it is to be big and the special things big kids can do – like go on swings, skip, have races, go sledding, choose books, say words, and pride in not being a baby will come back. But you might just have to accept two babies for a little while.

The post Tips for Having Two Under Two appeared first on AKAMom Magazine.

As difficult as it is as a parent to listen to your kids squabble, it is a necessary learning tool.  When kids interact with parents and other adults, they learn about authority and respect. When they interact with their siblings they are honing skills that will help them resolve conflicts, deal with differing opinions, compromise and negotiate as well as learning how to empathize.  This stage will pass and they will eventually become better friends and help protect each other.

Resolving an argument is an essential life skill that kids need to master.  If possible, avoid stepping in to provide a solution.  Coach them through the process by suggesting they look at their sibling’s perspective surrounding the situation.  Offer ways to help clarify the point of contention so keep them focused on the real issue.  Help them find creative ways to compromise and come to a win/win solution.  When these instances arise, it might help to focus on these 6 steps to problem solving:

1. Identify the problem. It is essential to be able to verbalize the problem clearly before it can be solved.  For instance:  “You use my things without asking.”

2.  Why is it a problem? Have your child identify why it is upsetting. For instance: “When you wear my sweater without asking, when I want to wear it I can’t find it.”

3. Brainstorm possible solutions. Make a list of potential solutions, allow the list to include sensible as well as non-sensible options. Don’t judge their ideas, leave that for later discussion.  Gather a list of at least ways to resolve the issue.

4. Evaluate the possible solutions. Discuss the positive and negative outcomes of each of the potential ways to resolve the problem.  Make a list of the pros and cons of each idea to see which idea has the most merit. Rank the results on a scale of 1 to 10 to help them identify the best scenario for finding compromise.

5. Put the solution into action. The first attempt to resolve the issue might not always work out.  Give it some time to work and make adjustments as needed to keep the peace.

6. Evaluate the outcome. Evaluate what is working well and what needs to be adjusted to prevent the problem from being a regular occurrence.

As kids grow into their teen years privacy and independence become key issues that set them off.  Creating healthy boundaries can help keep the fighting at bay.  Most preteens and teens squabbles can be boiled down to two distinct categories:  personal domain infractions and fairness issues.  This could include borrowing things without permission; copy catting with the older sibling does, controlling what to watch on television or who gets to sit in the front seat of the car.

Good luck and happy parenting!

Sincerely,

DaddyNickell

Parenting Expert and father of 7, Robert Nickell (aka Daddy Nickell) offers his “5 cents” worth of advice to expectant and new parents.  Daddy Nickell is the founder of Daddy & Co., delivery room duds and daddy gifts and apparel for every stage of fatherhood, and the Daily Daddy Blog.  He is also the creator and producer of “My Life as a Dad,” the groundbreaking new web series that showcases celebrity fathers offering their personal experiences and parenting tips.

The post Tips to Handle Sibling Squabbles appeared first on AKAMom Magazine.

As a daddy to seven kids between the ages of 5 months and 27 years old, I’ve learned a thing or two – first hand – about sibling rivalry. And through that experience I’ve come to understand a few ways in which to help manage the seemingly inevitable rivalry.

Here are my top five tips to help parents with sibling rivalry:

1.  Allow each child time to shine. The first rule can come into play in a variety of ways. First of all, figure out what each child is really good at and encourage that activity. Let them know how proud you are of them and how wonderful they are at whatever activity they may be interested in. Keep in mind every child will likely excel in a different endeavor, which is a good thing when helping to diminish sibling rivalry. Children need to know they’re successful and have their very own, special niche. Secondly, make special time to spend alone with each of your children. For instance, you might have one child who is high-energy and likes to talk – a lot, and another who tends to be more quiet and reflective; you don’t want these two to constantly be competing for your attention. Make sure you set aside special times to share individually with each of your children. This special time will allow them to feel like they have your attention and will eliminate some need for sibling rivalry.

2.  Be equal, just and fair. As a parent this is always a difficult task to accomplish. Most of us know by now that life, in general, isn’t fair. What I’m talking about here, however, is to practice fairness and equality in the way in which you treat your children. If they’re all on the same playing field they’ll be less likely to be battling one another because, let’s face it, they’ll be on the same team. At times, bending the rules may be easier but, when you’re a parent to multiple children bending the rules for one will lead to sibling rivalry as one child will feel like they got the short end of the stick. When in doubt, just be fair and treat all of your children with love and respect.

3.  Don’t make comparisons. Comparisons lead to competition, which will lead to sibling rivalry – bottom line. Never say, “Why can’t you be more like your brother?” Remember that every child is an individual with unique thoughts, talents and emotions. And every child is incredible. Instead of making comparisons, try using positive reinforcements and pointing out what things each child does individually very well. This strategy will allow for less sibling rivalry.

4.  Explore feelings and share openly. Those of you who often read my blogs and articles know I’m a firm believer in speaking openly and honestly with your children. It’s not always the easiest thing to do, but giving children the opportunity to feel it’s okay to share their emotions openly is huge – on multiple levels. You’ll likely be shocked by the things they tell you, and it will probably be eye-opening as well. Sharing feelings and emotions, together as a family, will enable your children to care for one another and be more empathetic to others, too. If you can get your children to see the bigger picture through feelings and emotions they’ll be less likely to have the need to compete via sibling rivalry.

5.  Lead by example. Remember as a dad you have big shoes to fill. Your children are ALWAYS watching you and learning from you, too. So it’s important to lead by example. Don’t be jealous of other people; be proud of the things you have and focus on the positive. A little competition can be beneficial, sure, as it can push you to try harder and do better, but there’s no need to teach your children to be over-competitive; instead it’s important to share with them that they can’t win at everything and there’s always something to be gained when we “lose.” Be the best dad you can be, and show your children ways in which they can solve they’re problems before they lead to sibling rivalry!

I’ve had success with these five tips – or rules, if you will – in the past, and I hope you’ll share the same success by utilizing them now and in the future. 

Happy parenting!

Sincerely,

Daddy Nickell

Robert Nickell, aka Daddy Nickell, father of 7, offers his “5 cents” worth of advice to expectant and new parents. Daddy Nickell is the founder of Daddyscrubs.com, delivery room duds and daddy gifts and apparel, and the DaddyScrubs blog where he covers topics about parenting all from a Dad’s perspective.

The post Managing Sibling Rivalry appeared first on AKAMom Magazine.

Are you a parent to two or three children? Every child that comes into your family will be blessed with a completely different environment based simply on the number of older siblings they are going to have.  The older siblings from 3 years to 23 years old want to help and share the love of the family that they have experienced with the new family baby. It gives them a sense of pride and security – and will remind them that they’re still just as special to you as they ever were. I’ve compiled a list of the top three successful ways in which older kids can help with babies.

Feeding: Depending on how old your “older” children are and whether or not you’ve chosen to breastfeed you may have to wait to allow your kids to help with feedings. If you’re using formula you can have your older child mix the formula with the water or even hold the bottle while baby eats (with your supervision, of course)! As your baby begins to grow allow the older child to pick out blended baby food and special snacks that he thinks baby will like. He’ll be excited when Baby loves sweet potatoes and laugh when Baby makes a sour face over mashed peas, too! Make sure your older children know that Baby cannot eat what your older children eat and not to feed Baby anything without asking you first.

Playing: You’d be surprised by how much older kids enjoy playing with the baby. And when I say “playing with the baby” I mean laying on a blanket enjoying baby safe toys together. It can be an extremely joyful and positive experience to watch your children play, and your kids will be bonding all the while. Even better than playing, my toddler boys enjoy reading to my newest arrival. Of course they cannot fully read yet, but they show my baby pictures and make up stories, too. Baby Tessa seems to enjoy listening to their chatter and she often smiles at them, too. It’s important to supervise and to discuss how delicate Baby is prior to allowing your older kids to begin playing and sharing time together with your new arrival.

Household Duties: It’s great to have help with household duties and chores; it instills a sense of responsibility in individuals, too. Although the older kids won’t be specifically helping with baby during these activities you can share with them that their actions are allowing for more family time together, so it is in turn helping baby. My boys often “help” fold Baby’s tiny clothes, rinse out bottles and pick up unsafe toys. Working together to accomplish household duties also gives my older kids some alone time just with me, which is always important for a growing family.

With seven kids of my own I know it can be difficult to bring a new baby home and find safe ways in which your older children can help. I hope these suggestions will work for you as they’ve worked for me throughout the years.

Sincerely,

Daddy Nickell

Robert Nickell, aka Daddy Nickell, father of 7, offers his “5 cents” worth of advice to expectant and new parents.  Daddy Nickell is the founder of Daddyscrubs.com, delivery room duds and daddy gear for dads, and the Daddyscrubs.com blog where he covers topics about parenting and the latest baby and kids gear, all from a Dad’s perspective.

The post Let the Siblings Give a Hand! appeared first on AKAMom Magazine.