Once upon a time, being 10 years old meant collecting Lip Smackers, riding your bike until the streetlights came on, and maybe sneaking a little mascara from your mom’s makeup bag when she wasn’t looking.

Today?

Ten-year-olds are asking for luxury skincare, watching “Get Ready With Me” videos before middle school, debating anti-aging ingredients, and requesting birthday trips to Sephora.

Somewhere between slime kits and serums, childhood seems to have changed.

Parents everywhere are asking the same question:

Are kids growing up too fast?

When Did Childhood Start Looking So… Adult?

Not that long ago, most kids wanted toys, craft kits, and whatever the hottest game happened to be that year.

Now many are asking for skincare refrigerators, $40 lip oils, designer sneakers, expensive perfumes, matching workout sets, and elaborate skincare routines they learned from TikTok.

There’s nothing wrong with kids wanting nice things. Every generation has had its trends.

What feels different today is how closely those trends mirror adult lifestyles.

Instead of pretending to be grown-ups for an afternoon, many children seem to be adopting adult interests years earlier than previous generations did.

It’s enough to make a lot of parents wonder if childhood is quietly disappearing.

Welcome to the World of “Sephora Kids”

If you’ve walked into Sephora recently, you’ve probably seen them.

Groups of tweens carefully reading ingredient labels and discussing retinol, peptides, niacinamide, and vitamin C with the confidence of licensed estheticians.

Many are building skincare routines before they’ve even started high school.

Dermatologists have increasingly spoken out about the trend, explaining that while simple skincare habits like washing your face, moisturizing, and wearing sunscreen are healthy, many anti-aging products aren’t designed for young skin. In some cases, using powerful ingredients too early can actually irritate healthy skin instead of helping it.

The goal isn’t to shame kids for liking skincare.

It’s to ask why anti-aging has become part of childhood in the first place.

Social Media Changed the Rules

Kids have always wanted to grow up.

Most adults remember borrowing Mom’s lipstick, trying on high heels, or pretending to be older than they really were.

The difference now is that children aren’t just copying older siblings or celebrities on magazine covers.

They’re watching millions of influencers every single day.

Algorithms serve an endless stream of beauty routines, shopping hauls, fashion trends, luxury lifestyles, and perfectly curated bedrooms.

When those images become the standard, it’s easy for children to believe they should already look, dress, and live like adults.

Social media didn’t invent the desire to grow up.

It just put that desire on fast forward.

It’s Bigger Than Makeup

The conversation goes far beyond skincare.

Parents are noticing children becoming interested in things that once felt reserved for teenagers or adults.

Designer handbags.

Luxury fragrances.

Perfectly coordinated outfits.

Daily beauty routines.

Expensive electronics.

Aesthetic bedrooms.

Social media popularity.

Even everyday language has changed.

Words and phrases like “glow up,” “clean girl,” “morning shed,” and “hot girl walk” have become part of conversations among children who haven’t even started high school.

When childhood starts looking more like influencer culture than backyard adventures, it’s understandable why parents are asking questions.

Are Parents Helping Create the Pressure?

This may be the hardest part of the conversation.

Parents naturally want to give their children opportunities they never had.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting your child to feel confident, stylish, or included.

But social media has quietly raised the bar for everyone.

Birthday parties become productions.

Backpacks become fashion statements.

Morning routines become content.

Instead of comparing ourselves to neighbors, we’re comparing ourselves to millions of families online.

Without even realizing it, adults sometimes reinforce the idea that growing up faster is something to celebrate.

What Happened to Just Being a Kid?

Ironically, many of the things adults miss most about childhood are the very things kids seem to be moving away from.

Riding bikes until dinner.

Building forts in the backyard.

Collecting rocks for no particular reason.

Playing board games.

Making friendship bracelets.

Getting dirty outside.

Being bored enough to invent your own fun.

Those moments didn’t require expensive products, followers, or perfectly curated photos.

They just required time.

Finding the Middle Ground

This isn’t about banning Sephora or deleting TikTok.

It’s also not about pretending every trend is harmful.

Every generation grows up differently, and change is inevitable.

The real challenge for today’s parents is deciding which parts of growing up are simply evolving with the times and which parts are worth slowing down.

Teaching healthy skincare instead of chasing anti-aging.

Encouraging confidence instead of comparison.

Prioritizing real friendships alongside online connections.

Making room for imagination before adulthood arrives.

None of those lessons come in a trendy package.

But they may matter far more in the long run.

Maybe That’s the Real Question

Perhaps the issue isn’t whether kids are growing up too fast.

Maybe it’s whether adults have become too comfortable inviting children into a world that was designed for grown-ups.

Eventually they’ll worry about wrinkles.

Eventually they’ll care about luxury brands.

Eventually they’ll have jobs, responsibilities, bills, and plenty of reasons to wish they could be kids again.

There is no prize for getting there first.

Childhood isn’t something children should be rushing through.

It’s something they only get to experience once.

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You’ve just found out your partner is pregnant. Congratulations! Although you can’t fully partake in the pregnancy, most future dads want a front row seat. No, we don’t understand morning sickness or get to feel the first movements, but that doesn’t mean we don’t want to experience everything we actually can during the pregnancy.  Yes, it is hard for us to totally grasp what our partner is going through, but we’re trying!  Here are a few ways dads-to-be can play an integral part of the pregnancy experience:

• Be an attentive partner—now’s the time your partner really needs you.  She’s going through a lot, so it’s time to step it up a notch. Spend time catering to her with back rubs and late night trips to the fridge for an extra snack.  Attend doctor’s appointments and ultrasounds with her. Take photos of her growing belly, tell her how great she looks and how much you love and admire her.  Remember, she is growing a human.

• Help make plans for baby—it doesn’t matter if you like to shop or not, it’s now time to act like you do.  This baby will need quite a bit of stuff. Your partner will love having you show interest in the type of stroller and car seat you select, helping to pick out the crib and accessories and putting them together. Take her shopping for baby clothes and other baby necessities. Although you may dread the thought of comparing baby bottle sterilizers, this shows your partner how involved you really are.

• Stay healthy together—exercise during pregnancy is important for many reasons, such as, boosting energy levels, aiding in sleep, preparing body for child birth, helping maintain a healthy pregnancy weight and reducing stress. Exercising as a team will help encourage your partner to get up and go, even when she wants to lie down and sleep (or cry or eat). Take walks together or hit the gym with her.  Although you may not want to hear it, now might be a good time to give up alcohol, too (she’ll only tolerate the “designated driver” joke for awhile).

• Plan a “Babymoon”—towards the last trimester of the pregnancy (but not the last month), surprise your partner with a little getaway. It doesn’t have to be a big, lavish vacation, just meaningful time away together. It may be the last time you both can take a trip sans child for a long time.  Whether it’s a weekend trip to a nearby bed & breakfast or a week by the beach, she’ll appreciate the time away to relax and spend time alone with you.

• Be a great labor partner—when it’s “go time,” make sure you’re actually ready to go. Attend child birth classes with your partner, make sure the car seat is installed properly (check with your local police department or hospital for assistance), make sure the hospital bag is ready to go and be a hands on birth partner.  A 12-20 hour labor can seem like eternity, but be thankful you’re not the one in labor!  Stay by her side, offer ice chips, back rubs and anything else she may need.

Good Luck!

Sincerely,

Daddy Locker (aka Mike Locker)

Bio for Mike Locker

Daddy Locker (aka Mike Locker), father of two, helps parents navigate the ups and downs of parenting through his expert advice.  He covers topics ranging from taking baby out to eat without annoying the other diners, best ways to swaddle baby and how to how to be an involved dad.  Daddy Locker is also the founder of Cozy-Cover, innovative parenting solutions for on-the-go families, and is constantly putting his creative skills to work developing new products to make parents’ lives easier and more convenient.

The post A Dad’s Guide to Sharing the Pregnancy Experience appeared first on AKAMom Magazine.

How many times have you heard someone say that their two children are completely different?  Experts believe that birth order is closely linked to everything from general temperament, to career preferences, to the way children make friends.  And while kids are certainly born with unique personalities, the way we parent them can definitely shape, refine and reinforce that personality.  So, should we parent differently based on birth order?

The Basics of Birth Order. Here’s some background on birth order. The first born is often the product of more hands-on, inexperienced parents, which means they’ve had their fair share of attention from parents (who might be somewhat protective and/or anxious).  First born children often strive to be reliable and view themselves as the caretaker for the family.

As other children come into the picture, things can change – the first born may feel displaced and seek approval by being a perfectionist and high achiever.  And with each subsequent child, parents tend to become more confident and relaxed, which can result in siblings that are bit more laid back.

Middle children are known as the mediators of the family.  They are focused on fairness and keeping the peace.  And youngest children tend to be social butterflies – they typically benefit from lenient parents and use that extra rope to make friends, socialize, and be the life of the party.

And, of course, only children, children with large age gaps between them, blended families, and multiples all take on a unique set of roles in a family.  Being aware of the dynamics between siblings and parents in each of these roles can certainly inform the way you raise each child.

Birth Order & Parenting.  There certainly isn’t a recipe for parenting based on birth order, but understanding common personality traits can help you understand your child’s point of view and provide some important context.  For example, an oldest child might feel responsible for his/her siblings, so you may want to focus on how to alleviate that anxiety.  Family conflict can be especially stressful for middle children, who often feel like they have to play peacemaker – being aware of this may influence how you communicate.  And youngest children often get treated like the baby of the family, which can trigger jealousy from other siblings.

It’s helpful to have guiding principles and consistent rules for your whole family – but keeping birth order in mind can help you tailor your communication style for each child.

About Jennifer Chung & Kinsights:
Jennifer Chung is a parenting expert and co-founder of Kinsights.com: part parenting community, part online health record. Kinsights provides parents with a safe place to seek answers to their questions while also helping them track their child’s health information. Organize your child’s growth and developmental milestones, immunizations, medications, allergies, and more.  Connect with Kinsights at https://kinsights.com to learn more and sign-up! You can also follow them on Facebook and Twitter (@kinsights).

The post Should You Parent Differently Based on Birth Order? appeared first on AKAMom Magazine.

For most parents, potty training is a daunting task (whether it’s kid #1 or #7, like me). We stress, bribe, beg and pray it goes quick and easy. But the fact of the matter is it’s different for each child and there’s not one prescription for perfect potty training. There are, however, tried and true tips that you can put into action to help the process along.  Here are a few tips that have worked great for our family:

Step one—Wait for your child to show signs of readiness, Step two – role model, yes that means letting them watch you in the bathroom, and tell them about the process, Step three – practice with them, have the sit on the potty for 1 to 1.5 minutes around the time they should have to eliminate waste, Step four – use positive reinforcement like praise when they make potty in the toilet.  Keep in mind accidents will happen.  Kids often have accidents because they are busy and forget or don’t yet realize how long they can hold it.  When this happens, have them change themselves and put their clothes in the laundry.  Don’t get upset with them when it happens continue to be encouraging of their progress.  Be prepared for accidents by bringing extra clothes to daycare and when running errands.

Be Patient with the Process—One of the challenges of potty training is that as parents are we want to get through it and be done with the process.  One of the mental hurdles we need to get through is allowing the process to work at your child’s pace.  Using the Potty Watch can help remind kids to go sit and the potty.  That takes the onus off the parent help kids take responsibility for making to the toilet on time.  The watch plays a fun tune to help them get excited about the process.  You can change the increments as the child’s success rate goes up.

Give Lots of Praise—One of the best ways to help kids be successful with potty training is to use hugs, tickles, praise and positive statements for rewards.  A chart to track progress is a great visual to see how they are getting better at using the toilet.  If you have a resistant child, use other means of rewards to get them motivated.

Learning to Toilet Train is a Process—Kids need to be able to physically control their body.  They need to show signs of readiness emotionally.  They need to cognitively be aware of expectations about using the toilet.  Step one – Look for signs of readiness, Step two – Explain the process and expectations, Step three – Take the child to the store to pick out big boy underpants or big girl panties, Step four – allow the child to run around naked at home to ease in getting on the potty when they have to go, Step five – praise them for successes.

Toilet Training Should be Fun—Use books and videos to reinforce the idea of going potty on the toilet.  Have multiple potty chairs/toilets available.  Kids can’t hold it for long periods of time as they are learning to control sensations.  Rather than ask if they need to go potty, tell them it’s time to go and sit them on the potty at various time.  Watch for behaviors like fidgeting or crossing their legs.  Help them to recognize what they are feeling to help increase their success rate.  Praise them for their progress.  Making a big deal about making potty in the toilet reinforces their desire to do well.

Good luck and happy parenting!

Sincerely,

DaddyNickell

Parenting Expert and father of 7, Robert Nickell (aka Daddy Nickell) offers his “5 cents” worth of advice to expectant and new parents.  Daddy Nickell is the founder of Daddy & Co., delivery room duds and daddy gifts and apparel for every stage of fatherhood, and the Daily Daddy Blog.  He is also the creator and producer of “My Life as a Dad,” the groundbreaking new web series that showcases celebrity fathers offering their personal experiences and parenting tips.

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There are those moms who make everything look easy, like they have it all pulled together.  And then there’s us, or so we think.  We run around frazzled feeling guilty because we didn’t get everything done on our To-Do List today.  Leaving dirty dishes in the sink after dinner somehow makes us feel less than perfect when it comes to parenting.  We may even ask ourselves, “How does SHE do it?”  Every woman has unique gifts and talents. The key is to recognize what you do well and not magnify what you perceive others do better than you.  Today, I challenge you to celebrate all of the magnificent ways you keep all of the balls in the air that are uniquely you, and remember that we’re all busy moms doing the best we can!  Check out these tips to free walk away from burnout and guilt once and for all.

Be present in the moment – Moms want to do it all!  It is impossible to wear multiple hats and not burn yourself out.  Feeling guilty only adds to the pressure to be a perfect parent.  Rid yourself of the guilt by being present in the moment.  When you’re working, give 100% so you can leave work worries at work and focus completely on your kids when you’re at home.  If you’re a divorced parent who shares custody, make the most of the time you have together by focusing on the quality of the time you spend with your children rather than the quantity of time.

Find a mentor – Decision making can be tough when it comes to raising your family.  Find a mentor, friends, family, a neighbor, other moms, to help guide you as you make tough parenting decisions.  Raising kids takes a village and tapping into the wisdom of other women who have raised happy healthy kids can help ease the stresses of parenthood.

Empower yourself – Tap into the knowledge of parenting experts.  Read at least one parenting book or article a month.  Equip yourself with tools that can help you cope with your particular family dynamics whether you’re considering having a second child and you want to prepare your toddler or you have a child who suffers from allergies.  Take a parenting class and get involved with other parents who have kids that are your child’s age.  A circle of peers can support and encourage you on your parenting journey as well as help build confidence in your parenting skills.

Take parenting advice with a grain of salt – Everyone has an opinion about raising kids and many aren’t shy about vocalizing their parenting methods.  Keep in mind that each family is unique and you’re focused on what is best for your kids.  Don’t allow other people’s comments to add pressure.  Take what they say with a grain of salt, apply anything that is useful and disregard the rest.

Don’t carry other people’s baggage – Life is too short to carry other people’s baggage. Don’t allow family and friends to heap guilt on you about working outside of the home, putting your child in pre-school or not breastfeeding.  Stay true to your goals as a family and remind yourself you are doing what is best for your family in your current situation.  The great thing about raising as a family you can make changes as your family dynamics evolve.

Find the silver lining – Guilt can be negative, drain you of energy and that doesn’t serve anyone well.  Find the positives in your situation and focus on the things you can control.  For instance, if you have a job you hate that requires you to work long hours, be thankful you have a job and seek new employment that will allow you to spend more time with your kids.  It may take some time to find the ideal job for your situation, but staying focused on the goal will help rid yourself of unnecessary guilt.  Guilt is like worry.  Getting caught up in negative emotions doesn’t promote change.  It can cause you to get trapped in an energy draining cycle that can prevent you from experiencing a happy fulfilled life.

Reprogram your brain – If you’re feeling like guilt is consuming your life, it’s time for a change.  Fill your brain with positive messages. Rather than listening to music on your commute, listen to books on tape that can help reprogram your thinking.  Read books that can help address issues you’re coping with.  Equip yourself with tools to face the challenges that lie ahead as your kids grow into new stages of life.  Change your circle of friends, get involved in groups of likeminded moms and take time for yourself: workout on a regular basis, meditate or take a candlelit bubble bath.  Find what works for you.

Focus on the future, leave the past behind – Rid yourself once and for all of feeling guilty.  Make a list of the things you feel guilty about.  Then make a column of pros and cons about the situation.  Help find a way to bring perspective to those issues.  Decide what things you can change and what things you just have to find a way to live with.  Jot down ideas to formulate an action plan.  Taking control over your life is refreshing and empowering.  Focus on moving forward and not living in the past.  We all have made mistakes or poor choices, but we can learn from those experiences to grow and be more successful moving forward.

It’s easy to get caught up in feeling guilty when we have bad days.  Keep in mind we all have a bad day every now and then, the key is to keep it all in perspective.  Being a mom is one of the most wonderful experiences we can share as women.  Be encouraged that we all share a common bond of wanting to do our very best, and yet some days we fall short.  Continue to focus on the things you do well, and don’t get caught up in comparing yourself to others.

About Jennifer Chung & Kinsights:
Jennifer Chung is a parenting expert and co-founder of Kinsights.com: part parenting community, part online health record. Kinsights provides parents with a safe place to seek answers to their questions while also helping them track their child’s health information. Organize your child’s growth and developmental milestones, immunizations, medications, allergies, and more.  Connect with Kinsights at https://kinsights.com to learn more and sign-up! You can also follow them on Facebook and Twitter (@kinsights).

The post How To Get Rid Of The Mom Guilt appeared first on AKAMom Magazine.

Even though doing things yourself around the house may be faster, giving kids chores can teach them valuable life lessons.  Helping out with everyday chores can help your child grow developmentally and give them a sense of belonging in your family.  Here are a few ways to get started.

Emphasize how keeping items organized makes it easier to find things – When kids are as young as 18 months old, their toys can take over your living space.  At this age kids want to be your helper, so take advantage of their desire to please you.  A couple of times a day, perhaps before naptime and bath time, get on the floor with them and ask them to help you tidy up.  Model putting books back on shelves and putting toys back in the toy box.  Make a big deal about how proud you are of them helping.  Clap your hands, say “YAY!!  Good job!”  You may even reward them with a sticker!

When kids start school, teaching them more sophisticated tasks like making their bed, sweeping the floor and using a vacuum can be helpful.  Allowing kids to do tasks with you like sorting laundry, folding and putting away can make the chore more fun.  Age appropriate tasks are important for helping them develop and feel grown up.  At this age, you can point out how much easier it is to find things they want to use if they are put away after each use.

Once kids are 9 or 10 they should be able to complete tasks on their own, like taking out the trash, unloading the dishwasher or setting and clearing the dinner table.  Helping out with everyday tasks can help enforce their sense of belonging in the family.

Be organized.  Make up weekly chore charts for the family listing who is responsible for each task.  Kids like to have a set routine so they know what to expect each day.  Be consistent about getting things done at home before everyone gets to enjoy playtime after dinner.  If you do not consistently enforce the routine, kids will balk at the idea of completing chores on a regular basis.

Kids develop a sense of belonging when they have assigned chores.  Keeping their room clean instills a sense of pride in self.  Preventing clutter from building up in their personal space also helps them keep clutter from their mind when it comes to doing homework.  If their personal space is organized, they will do much better when it comes to completing their homework.  Learning new skills via chores also helps kids feel like they are growing up and making a positive contribution.

Doing chores teaches the importance of completing a task – As kids hit elementary school; an allowance may provide proper incentive to get them more involved in helping out with chores around the house.  Create a chores chart for each week and assign small tasks to everyone in the family.  Put a check mark in each slot where chores were satisfactorily completed without reminders.  Don’t allow them to check off work that isn’t completed well.

Chores teach kids responsibility and pride in their work – Chores shouldn’t be used as a punishment for kids when they misbehave.  Chores should be viewed as a contribution everyone in the family makes to help the household run smoothly.   Incorporating a reward system to get kids involved may help boost their enthusiasm to complete their least favorite chores without complaining.  For instance, if they complete all of their chores for the entire week, they get to participate in one of their favorite activities like going shopping with mom or play a game of basketball with dad.

Kids learn to have pride in their work when they take part in doing family chores.  It also gives them a chance to feel like they contribute to a common goal of keeping the house clean and functioning.  They learn how to be responsible for completing assignments which will be helpful when they go to school.

Doing chores provides natural teachable moments about rewards and consequences – Television, video games and social media can rule teen’s lives; they don’t want to miss out on a thing.  Help them manage their time by limiting access to these activities and provide a window of when to get their chores completed.  When chores aren’t done without a fight, deduct time from their “free time” until they comply with helping out around the house.

When chores aren’t completed on time or at all, there needs to be pre-determined consequences.  Each child is different so finding their “pain point” may vary from child to child.  Taking away privileges, having an early bed time or losing of dessert may be viable options in your home.

Assigning chores creates lifelong habits – Set a routine for when chores need to get done in your home. For instance, making beds before school each morning may be your standard.  Be consistent by making your bed, then helping your child.  Praise him for his effort.  Keep in mind a 3 year old’s skill level will not match that of a 7 year old.  Give pointers for getting wrinkles out of the blankets or putting decorative pillows and stuffed toys in their proper place.

When kids are young, it is necessary to go around and check to make sure their work is completed in a satisfactory manner.  As they get older and are used to the cleaning routine, they can simply check each item off of their list.  Using stickers on a chore list may help encourage kids to get the job done right the first time.

Create a fun teamwork atmosphere – Cleaning doesn’t have to be drudgery.  Put on music with a great dance beat.  Dance with the kids while you’re dusting and picking up toys.  Playing music makes it seem like a party and it will become a routine they look forward to doing.

Make a contest out of who can get their chores done first.  If everyone is working together, some light hearted competition can make chores less boring.  Have a fun activity planned for everyone once chores are completed.

Set a timer for 15 minutes.  Using a timer lets everyone know they don’t have to clean forever.  Select tasks you know can be done in 15 minutes.  If the chores aren’t done in that amount of time, take a short break and work for another 15 minutes.  Cleaning in short bursts make the task seem less daunting.

Set up a treasure hunt.  Hide a $5 bill someplace. Whoever finds it gets to keep it.  You can do this for each child.  Put the money in unsuspecting places like under their bed, on the bottom of the furniture polish or taped to the vacuum handle. This also helps you set standards for keeping their room clean.

Rotate tasks between the kids.  This not only keeps them from getting bored is also teaches younger children new skills.  Kids will feel more grown up when they get promoted to a new set of responsibilities.

As parents, we want to raise active, healthy kids.  One way we can do that is by encouraging them to play a vital role in our households.  Teaching them to do chores then holding them accountable for doing a good job will help prepare them for other endeavors they will face once they start school.  Make doing chores fun by modeling a positive attitude.

About Jennifer Chung & Kinsights:
Jennifer Chung is a parenting expert and co-founder of Kinsights.com: part parenting community, part online health record. Kinsights provides parents with a safe place to seek answers to their questions while also helping them track their child’s health information. Organize your child’s growth and developmental milestones, immunizations, medications, allergies, and more.  Connect with Kinsights at https://kinsights.com to learn more and sign-up! You can also follow them on Facebook and Twitter (@kinsights).

The post Why Kids Should Help Out With Chores appeared first on AKAMom Magazine.

A parent’s first priority is to protect their kids from harm.  No parent wants to see their child experience disappointment, failure or pain.  As a result, parents sometimes become a helicopter mom or dad and hover over their child’s every move.  Kids need involved and active parents in order for them to successfully mature.  However, if parents constantly hover and prevent them from failing at every turn, kids never have the opportunity to learn from their mistakes.  Each time a child fails, he learns valuable lessons about how life works and how to solve problems and make better decisions moving forward.  So it’s important to find the balance between supporting your child and protecting him or her from real danger or harm vs. removing opportunities to grow.  Check out these tips to avoid becoming a helicopter parent.

Teach kids to be responsible for their own actions – Helicopter parents often take parenting to unhealthy levels which can lead to parents taking responsibility for their child’s actions.  For instance, if a child forgets his homework, the parent will take it to the school so the child doesn’t face consequences.  This can foster an attitude of not needing to be responsible which can hurt a child later in life.  Resist your impulse to rescue your child and focus on the bigger lesson of helping your child take responsibility.

Set boundaries to foster good self-esteem – When kids have the freedom to make mistakes they learn how to do things on their own.  Parents that provide support and encouragement create kids with good self-esteem, that take pride in doing things themselves, and who take responsibility for their own actions.  They have a healthy respect for the boundaries their parents set and they have a firm understanding that natural consequences happen when they don’t act responsibly.

Allow natural consequences for actions – Hovering parents can make changes in their parenting style by allowing their children to experience natural consequences.  For instance, if your child forgets to get a permission slip signed for a field trip, rather than jump through hoops to get the teacher to make an exception, let your child sit at school and do school work.  The natural consequence will teach him the importance of meeting a deadline.  The disappointment he feels will be a lasting lesson the next time a permission slip is due.

Let kids experience failure – Allowing kids to feel uncomfortable will help them change their behaviors to realize different outcomes.  Rather than handle the situation yourself, coach your child with ways to handle a dispute with siblings or friends. Or, if your child’s grade drops due to forgetting to turn in an assignment, guide him or her to set up a better organizational system instead of complaining to the teacher.

Put processes in place to help your child succeed – Set up a routine for them to follow like putting homework in backpacks and setting them by the door you exit each morning.  Have a standard place and time to do homework each night.  Lay out clothes the night before, so kids have everything to get ready for school at their fingertips.  Kids function better with structure.  Parents shouldn’t do things for kids that they can do for themselves, so invest in giving them skills to be more independent.

Prepare kids for your absence – Kids need to have support and encouragement from parents, but it can embarrass them if mom is always there.  Kids develop a reputation with other students and possibly their teacher if mom is always  trying to fix things that may not even be a problem.  Kids need to learn that other adults can be responsible for them and keep them safe when mom and dad aren’t around.

Pop the bubble – Parents get stuck in the helicopter mentality when they want to create a bubble around their child to protect them from pain and discomfort.  Rather than preventing them from experiencing natural consequences, equip them with skills to handle fear, failure and disappointment.  Help them use those experiences to move forward to a life of success in coping with the trials life has in store.

Life is filled with obstacles and challenges. None of us live a life void of problems that need to be solved.  Raise confident kids by giving them the freedom to make mistakes while they are at home.  Don’t shield them from difficult experiences.  Instead, use those experiences as teachable moments to propel them forward by coaching them through it.  Allow them the freedom to fall down while you can be there to help them dust off their knees and put them back on the right path. You’ll both be glad you did!

About Jennifer Chung & Kinsights:
Jennifer Chung is a parenting expert and co-founder of Kinsights.com: part parenting community, part online health record. Kinsights provides parents with a safe place to seek answers to their questions while also helping them track their child’s health information. Organize your child’s growth and developmental milestones, immunizations, medications, allergies, and more.  Connect with Kinsights at https://kinsights.com to learn more and sign-up! You can also follow them on Facebook and Twitter (@kinsights).

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Divorce is hard enough to go through as an adult, however, when kids are involved the struggle can reach a whole new level. I’ve compiled a list of do’s and don’ts that will make co-parenting a little bit easier, so that you and your ex are able to focus on being the best parents you can be.

Do: Communicate with your ex. As much as you likely don’t want to communicate with your ex after a divorce, you need to remember you both have a child together, and the communication will be beneficial to that child. Talk with your ex to determine what will work best for you. If something comes up, such as: your child gets sick, breaks a limb, has a fight at school, etc. while you’re not around, you’ll need to know so you can be the best parent you can be. You and your ex will need to establish a simple means of communication – be it a weekly text, email, or a phone call – so that both parents have a firm grasp of what’s going on with your child at any given time.

Don’t: Trash talk your ex. Trash talking might be tempting at times, but it’s not something you ever want to do in front of your child. Listening to you say terrible things about your ex could potentially damage your child’s relationship with the other parent, and that’s really not worth it. Learn to let go of your frustrations and focus on what’s really most important – your child’s health, happiness and well -being. With two caring parents nearby, whether married or divorced, a child will likely be able to achieve those things.

Do: Stay positive. It can be difficult to stay positive in the midst of a divorce and even after, but you should strive to stay positive for the sake of your child. Make positive statements about your ex in front of your child, and focus on building your child up by encouraging their strengths. Your child might experience anger and depression that has stemmed from the divorce, so you’ll need to be so positive that your mood rubs off on them.

Don’t: Force a child to choose sides. Do whatever it takes to keep your child out of a messy divorce. Don’t ask them to choose sides. Instead, create a fair schedule wherein your child will have the opportunity to spend time with both yourself and your ex. Forcing a child to choose between Mom or Dad can be detrimental to your child. Remember that you’re a parent – first and foremost – and do whatever will be best for your child.

Do: Find consistency. Co-parenting works best when there’s consistency — consistency in schedule, rules and visitation. You’ll need to communicate with your ex in order to establish consistency in your child’s life. Having this consistency and routine will help your child feel more comfortable and at ease within the chaos of divorce.

When in doubt, remember that your child is more important than anything else, and try to be the best parent you can be.

Happy co-parenting!

DaddyNickell

Parenting Expert and father of 7, Robert Nickell (aka Daddy Nickell) offers his “5 cents” worth of advice to expectant and new parents.  Daddy Nickell is the founder of Daddy & Co., delivery room duds and daddy gifts and apparel for every stage of fatherhood, and the Daily Daddy Blog.  He is also the creator and producer of “My Life as a Dad,” the groundbreaking new web series that showcases celebrity fathers offering their personal experiences and parenting tips.

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As a parent I know that for every bit of fun and enjoyment to be had with children around, there’s always the possibility of consequences and necessary discipline, too. It’s the parent’s responsibility to teach their children right from wrong, as well, as how to behave, how to treat others, etc. – I know, it’s a BIG job! With seven kids of my own ranging in age from 8 months to 27 years old, I’ve learned a thing or two about being creative when it comes to consequences and discipline.

Motivate Positively: First things first, you can try to steer your children in the right direction to avoid some unnecessary (and not-so-fun) consequences and disciplinary actions simply by motivating them positively with some sort of reward system. Sticker charts are great as are coin jars and other similar items. With this idea you’ll be able to discuss behaviors and expectations early-on, and your child will know exactly what they’ll need to do in order to earn a sticker or have a nickel deposited in their coin jar. Your children will behave while working towards a reward and at the same time learning how to be a kind and contributing member of the family.

Consequence Jar: Just as your children will be able to have a nickel added to their coin jar or a sticker to their sticker chart for behaving well, they might also have to draw a Popsicle stick from the consequence jar when they misbehave. Some ideas for this jar include: early bedtime, no television for a night, an extra chore, a timeout, etc. A substitute to the consequence jar is a consequence spinner (you can even purchase them online) wherein your child spins a wheel in order to determine their consequence instead of drawing a Popsicle stick from a jar. With this method, your child is essentially choosing his or her own consequence and you’ll be around for the follow through.

Let Them Decide: By bringing your child into the conversation and letting them help determine their consequence they’ll be able to fully contemplate the severity of their actions as well as brainstorm what kinds of consequences would be equivalent to those poor or negative actions and behaviors. Writing up a behavior contract, and having your child sign it once you decide upon a consequence you both find suitable is also a great activity and possibly a bit of a consequence in itself. After your child sits and thinks about what they did wrong, determines what their consequence will be and then writes the whole thing out to sign they’ll likely have a whole new outlook and certainly won’t be confused about what they did wrong in the first place.

Teaching your children how they’re expected to behave on a day-to-day basis is difficult, and chances are you’ll have to discipline your children for their actions a time or two before they figure things out.

Good luck and happy parenting!

Sincerely,

Daddy Nickell

Parenting Expert and father of 7, Robert Nickell (aka Daddy Nickell) offers his “5 cents” worth of advice to expectant and new parents.  Daddy Nickell is the founder of Daddy & Co., delivery room duds and daddy gifts and apparel for every stage of fatherhood, and the Daily Daddy Blog.  He is also the creator and producer of “My Life as a Dad,” the groundbreaking new web series that showcases celebrity fathers offering their personal experiences and parenting tips.

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