According to a recent study at the University of Iowa, an average two year old hears more than 430 negative statements a day and only about 30 words of encouragement.  Words of praise go a long way in developing a positive self-esteem in kids.  Give kids genuine sincere praise should focus on a child’s efforts and not the outcome of their endeavors.  Below you will find some great reasons to continue giving your kids praise.

1. Kids need to have a realistic assessment of their strengths and weaknesses.   Developing good self-esteem is essential in preparing them for the challenges that they will face as they grow and develop.  It is important to help kids feel like they are capable of doing things and have the ability to learn new skills.  Finding a good balance between showing love via praise and giving opportunities to make mistakes without reprisal will help build healthy self-value.

2. Kids with low self-esteem are often afraid of trying new things if they are rewarded by doing well with adjectives or adverbs like “incredibly good” or “very fast” or “fantastic.”  They feel pressure to always attain that level of praise, therefore causing inner turmoil of not wanting to fall short of their last assessment.  This can lead to their inability to solve problems or challenges they may face.  Parents can help them build a healthy self-esteem by not over-praising and by making learning fun.  Communicating that their value is not performance-based can help relieve performance anxiety.

3. Self-esteem comes from having a sense of belonging in a family and in a peer group.  While self-esteem changes as a child’s perception of his world broadens, it still needs to be rooted in love and acceptance.  Kids need to have the understanding that we all have gifts and talents and it is ok to be good at one thing but struggle in another. It is important to create an atmosphere of acceptance and encourage the kids to try new things, even if that means not getting it right the first time.  Kids need to understand there is value in learning through failure, as it teaches them to persevere.

4. Teaching kids to do their best is a valuable lesson, because developing pride in what we do is paramount for having self-respect.  Learning the difference between doing well and doing it perfectly is important as well; if kids think they have to perform to that standard, it may discourage them from trying new things, which will undermine their self-confidence.

Praising kids a vital part of teaching them to try new things and step out of their comfort zone.  When praising focus on their actions rather than their attributes.  For instance, “You worked really hard on your homework,” verses “You’re so pretty or smart.”  Use praise rather than rewards when encouraging kids to try something new and acknowledge when you see skills come easy to them.  Raising kids with a healthy self-esteem and confidence will help them as they enter school, college and beyond.

About Jennifer Chung & Kinsights:
Jennifer Chung is a parenting expert and co-founder of Kinsights.com: part parenting community, part online health record. Kinsights provides parents with a safe place to seek answers to their questions while also helping them track their child’s health information. Organize your child’s growth and developmental milestones, immunizations, medications, allergies, and more.  Connect with Kinsights at https://kinsights.com to learn more and sign-up! You can also follow them on Facebook and Twitter (@kinsights).

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We all need motivation once and awhile to keep up with work, school, exercise and more. Kids are no different. They can also benefit with the help of motivation. As their parent, you are in the best position to pass along these lessons. As a father of 7, I’ve had my fair share of keeping kids interested and motivated in school and sports. 

Here are a few of my favorite tips below:

1. Make sure you are encouraging them for the betterment of themselves, not so you look or feel good. Try to remember the end game in it all–is it to get into a good college, get a scholarship, or play varsity? Whatever it is, your child will not get there if he burns out because of your pressure. Keep it in perspective.

2. Set realistic goals. If math is not your children’s best subject, but they love it, don’t let them set the goal of being in advanced math. Instead, encourage them to try and get 90% on every assignment.  If you want your children to play soccer, but they aren’t very coordinated, don’t make varsity their goal; encourage them to just be excited about making a team.  Be realistic about what they can and cannot accomplish.

3. Celebrate their accomplishments! If they go an entire week without complaining about practice, treat them to ice cream. If they turn in every assignment, let them watch a little more television after dinner.  When your child sets a goal, no matter how big or small it is, and they achieve it, they deserve to be celebrated.

4. Be honest with yourself. Why are you making them finish the project? Why do you want them to participate in that sport? Is this for them or for you?  Be sure you are encouraging them for the right reasons.

5. Don’t quit without a good fight. Don’t let your child give up after the first battle. If your child has committed to a team, a play, or a project that cannot continue without his/her participation, your child needs to follow through on the commitment. Otherwise, encourage your child to continue and give things a little longer to settle down. Maybe your child needs a friend or a victory. Look at the circumstances of why he or she wants to quit. Is it just because they aren’t the best on the team or is it because they are scared of what they need to do, or do they simply just hate it? There is no hard and fast rule about when is a good time to quit; each individual situation needs to be looked at and taken into consideration.

6. For children who really love what they’re doing, let them be the driver. If they want to take an extra lesson so they can make the top team, let them. If they want to be in accelerated courses, let them. It is hard to push kids too hard if they are driving the cart. Present the options that you and your family are able to pursue and let them choose whether they want to do more or less than what they are already doing.

7. A little bribery may be okay. I know parents who pay for certain grades or reward a successful swimming lesson. This behavior is different for each family. Sometimes, bribing through the hard times (like getting over a fear of the water) will result in a competitive swimmer who ends up loving the water. Sometimes, it just results in a kid who performs for a reward. Figure out what you want your final result to be, and keep those rewards and bribes in check.

8. If your children suddenly hate something they have recently loved, you are probably pushing them and they are afraid of letting you down. Read your child’s body language, listen to what he or she is saying and don’t be afraid to ask.  Each one of my children told me they were afraid to quit swimming (my college sport) because they thought I’d be disappointed in them. Make sure they are doing the sport because they want to, not because they think YOU want them to.

9. Encourage and praise them. They have a coach or teacher to correct their faults, and as parents we should be there to support them.  They don’t need you to remind them of the strike-out or the missed tackle. Keep a relationship with your child that is honest, open, and respectful.

10. Never yell at them during the game. Nothing ruins a kid’s game or makes others feel worse for a kid than when a parent demeans them or berates them during a game. Shout words of encouragement and cheer them on.

Good luck!

Daddy Nickell

Robert Nickell, aka Daddy Nickell, father of 7, offers his “5 cents” worth of advice to expectant and new parents. Daddy Nickell is the founder of Daddyscrubs.com, delivery room duds and daddy gifts and apparel, and the DaddyScrubs blog where he covers topics about parenting all from a Dad’s perspective.

The post Tips to Motivate Your Kids without Being Pushy appeared first on AKAMom Magazine.

Our home is where we spend most of our time with our family and friends.  It serves as our living space and hosting spot for parties and welcome visitors.  A home holds much sentimental value for us as we’ve watched our children grow older within its walls and formed countless memories.

Our environment hugely impacts our relationships with others and our general state of well-being.  The home especially influences the emotions, temperament, and sense of security of developing children.  It is important to invest time and energy into making your home a place that your children feel comfortable in.  We can appeal to all of our senses by filling our home with soothing visuals, sounds, scents, and materials.

So what are some easy ways we can foster a more positive environment at home? 

Stay Organized.  Is your home harmonious or a chaotic mess?  Do your family members enjoy spending time at home or does your home feel so cluttered and congested that it is emotionally draining for all?  For most, an organized space feels lighter, more peaceful, and helps us think more clearly.  This is especially important if your home also serves as your workspace.  Clearing out these unnecessary distractions and clutter will help you regain a sense of control and boost productivity.

Fill your home with more natural things.  A small plant, a flower pot, an aquarium tank, or a small fishbowl will suffice to get the natural energy flowing in your home!  Studies show that simply looking at a flower makes people feel more uplifted and soothed.  Symbolic representations of nature, as in paintings, embroidery, or other home furnishings may also do the trick!  For a greater appeal to our sense of sight, smell, and touch, it is best to place living, growing things in your home.  This may also boost your child’s curiosity and interest in learning about our natural ecosystem!

Play music.  Choose a style of music to set the mood for your home.  Your choice of a jazzy, dynamic beat or a soothing natural track will shape the essence and aura of your home.  While music can be distracting to some depending on its tempo and complexity, studies show that playing soft background music can improve concentration.  Playing an instrumental piece may especially help active children, enabling them to clear their minds and better focus on a singular learning task.

Alter your lighting environment.  Grab some candles to boost the ambience in your home and add a fragrant touch.  Make sure you have some well-lit spaces in your home to allow for sufficient lighting to work, study, and relax.  Wherever possible it is beneficial to allow natural light to filter through.  While dark, heavy window treatments can make a space appear small and confined, a lighter, brightly colored window covering can make a room appear more spacious and provide shade when needed without stifling natural light.  It is best to choose window treatments that can be pinned back or pulled away, such as curtains and light drapery as opposed to blinds which are difficult to remove (and harder to clean).

Encourage learning and creativity.  According to a study examining the influence of home environment on learning, “home environment is more highly predictive of children’s academic achievement than measures of SES [socioeconomic status] such as parental education and income.”  In addition, children who come from homes where academic development is valued, encouraged, and nourished demonstrate higher language abilities.  Therefore, celebrate your child’s achievements and success in different areas!  Post your child’s “A” test somewhere visible (e.g. fridge, bulletin board) as a reminder of his hard work and accomplishment.  Hang your children’s artwork on the wall to encourage their artistic interests and show how much you value their effort.

Place things in your home that are appealing to your child’s interests, hobbies, or cultural background.  Display learning tools around your home where they can be seen.  For example, you might consider putting books on a shelf where they are easily accessible or putting together an arts-and-crafts bin to appeal to your child’s creative drive. 

Make sure that there is a designated learning space in your home for children.  We naturally associate different spaces with a defined function so the kitchen or living room might not be the best spot for homework or teaching lessons.  Instead, find a quiet space in your home that is typically free of high social activity and stimulating noises or visuals (e.g. no television or loud chattering) and set up a private workspace as your child’s go-to learning spot. 

Cultivate gratefulness and self-worth.  Studies show that grateful people are happier people.  Good health, exemplary performance at work/school, a winning sporting match – these are all things to be grateful for!  Journaling or writing down the things you are grateful for on a daily or weekly basis is a fun activity to do as a family or individually.  Write them down in a list, on post-it notes, or in a diary form – whichever way you feel most comfortable.  You might also do this verbally within family discussions or in conversation.  No achievement is too small or insignificant to be celebrated.  Maybe your child has been doing a great job of listening and being obedient, thank him!  Maybe your husband has been lending a hand around the house, show him your appreciation and that you noticed! 

Most importantly, remember to celebrate each member of your family uniquely and with intention.  Everyone benefits when a healthy self-esteem is encouraged and children are reminded daily that they are loved, wanted, and cherished.  Post inspiring quotes, bible verses or memorable photos on a wall space as encouragement to remain optimistic and thankful. 

We want to know – are there any ideas you have implemented to help make your home feel more positive?

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