It might come after a move.
After going back to work.
After leaving a job.
After a divorce.
After a new baby.
After the kids start school full time.
After they leave for college.

The details vary. The feeling does not.

It is not dramatic. It is disorienting.

And for many moms, it feels like an identity crisis that no one prepared them for.

When the Role Shifts

Motherhood already reshapes identity. But when a big life change stacks on top of that, the ground shifts again.

You may have spent years being the primary caregiver. Then suddenly you are back in an office, or building a business, or navigating co parenting, or sitting in a quiet house during school hours wondering why you feel restless instead of relaxed.

The routines that once defined you are gone. The pace is different. The expectations have changed.

You are still a mom.

But you are also something else now.

And figuring out that something else can feel uncomfortable.

The Invisible Grief

We do not talk enough about the grief that comes with change, even when the change is positive.

Going back to work can feel empowering and heartbreaking at the same time.

Moving to a new city can feel exciting and isolating.

Watching your kids become independent can feel proud and lonely.

There is often a quiet mourning for the version of yourself that existed before the shift.

The stay at home mom.
The corporate climber.
The newlywed.
The exhausted but needed toddler mom.

Even if that season was hard, it was familiar.

Letting go of familiarity takes emotional energy.

The Question Underneath It All

Most identity crises boil down to one question.

If I am not only this, then who am I?

Moms are especially vulnerable to this because so much of our identity is wrapped around caring for others. When circumstances change, it can feel like losing your title.

But you were never just the title.

You were the person inside it.

The life change does not erase you. It reveals parts of you that may have been dormant.

That can be unsettling. It can also be freeing.

When You Outgrow an Old Version of Yourself

Sometimes the crisis is not about loss. It is about growth.

You may realize you no longer want what you used to want.

The job that once defined you might feel misaligned.

The social circle that once fit might feel forced.

The parenting style you started with may not fit the family you have now.

Growth is not always glamorous. It often feels like friction first.

There is tension between who you were and who you are becoming.

That tension is not failure. It is evolution.

The Pressure to “Figure It Out”

Social media does not help.

It makes reinvention look clean and immediate. One day she was overwhelmed. The next day she launched a business, trained for a marathon, and started a podcast.

Real identity rebuilding is quieter.

It looks like trying something and changing your mind.

It looks like taking a class just to see if you like it.

It looks like reconnecting with an old interest and realizing it still lights you up.

It looks like journaling through confusion instead of pretending you are confident.

You do not need a five year plan to validate your growth.

You need permission to explore.

Rebuilding Without Erasing Motherhood

One common fear during identity shifts is this: if I invest in myself, am I taking something away from my kids?

The answer is no.

Children benefit from watching their mothers evolve.

They see resilience.
They see courage.
They see adaptability.

They learn that identity is not static.

You are not abandoning motherhood by expanding beyond it. You are modeling depth.

Practical Ways to Move Through It

An identity crisis after a big life change does not resolve overnight, but there are gentle ways to navigate it.

Start by asking yourself what feels energizing right now. Not impressive. Not productive. Energizing.

Reconnect with something that used to make you feel like yourself before the most recent season took over.

Give yourself a small project that is only for you. It does not have to make money or go viral. It just has to matter to you.

Talk about it. With a friend. With a therapist. With your partner. Identity confusion thrives in silence. It softens when spoken out loud.

And most importantly, let it be a season.

You are not broken. You are transitioning.

The Truth About Reinvention

Big life changes do not erase you.

They stretch you.

The mom identity crisis after a move, a career shift, a divorce, or a new chapter is not a sign that you have failed. It is often a sign that you are growing into something more layered.

Motherhood evolves. So do you.

And maybe the question is not who am I now?

Maybe it is who am I becoming?

There is space for that answer to unfold slowly.

You do not have to rush it.

The post The Mom Identity Crisis After a Big Life Change appeared first on AKAMom Magazine.

Divorce is hard enough to go through as an adult, however, when kids are involved the struggle can reach a whole new level. I’ve compiled a list of do’s and don’ts that will make co-parenting a little bit easier, so that you and your ex are able to focus on being the best parents you can be.

Do: Communicate with your ex. As much as you likely don’t want to communicate with your ex after a divorce, you need to remember you both have a child together, and the communication will be beneficial to that child. Talk with your ex to determine what will work best for you. If something comes up, such as: your child gets sick, breaks a limb, has a fight at school, etc. while you’re not around, you’ll need to know so you can be the best parent you can be. You and your ex will need to establish a simple means of communication – be it a weekly text, email, or a phone call – so that both parents have a firm grasp of what’s going on with your child at any given time.

Don’t: Trash talk your ex. Trash talking might be tempting at times, but it’s not something you ever want to do in front of your child. Listening to you say terrible things about your ex could potentially damage your child’s relationship with the other parent, and that’s really not worth it. Learn to let go of your frustrations and focus on what’s really most important – your child’s health, happiness and well -being. With two caring parents nearby, whether married or divorced, a child will likely be able to achieve those things.

Do: Stay positive. It can be difficult to stay positive in the midst of a divorce and even after, but you should strive to stay positive for the sake of your child. Make positive statements about your ex in front of your child, and focus on building your child up by encouraging their strengths. Your child might experience anger and depression that has stemmed from the divorce, so you’ll need to be so positive that your mood rubs off on them.

Don’t: Force a child to choose sides. Do whatever it takes to keep your child out of a messy divorce. Don’t ask them to choose sides. Instead, create a fair schedule wherein your child will have the opportunity to spend time with both yourself and your ex. Forcing a child to choose between Mom or Dad can be detrimental to your child. Remember that you’re a parent – first and foremost – and do whatever will be best for your child.

Do: Find consistency. Co-parenting works best when there’s consistency — consistency in schedule, rules and visitation. You’ll need to communicate with your ex in order to establish consistency in your child’s life. Having this consistency and routine will help your child feel more comfortable and at ease within the chaos of divorce.

When in doubt, remember that your child is more important than anything else, and try to be the best parent you can be.

Happy co-parenting!

DaddyNickell

Parenting Expert and father of 7, Robert Nickell (aka Daddy Nickell) offers his “5 cents” worth of advice to expectant and new parents.  Daddy Nickell is the founder of Daddy & Co., delivery room duds and daddy gifts and apparel for every stage of fatherhood, and the Daily Daddy Blog.  He is also the creator and producer of “My Life as a Dad,” the groundbreaking new web series that showcases celebrity fathers offering their personal experiences and parenting tips.

The post How to Successfully Co-Parent appeared first on AKAMom Magazine.

Co-parenting is challenging in any situation, but a separation or divorce certainly adds extra stress. Establishing consistency between parents, especially when it comes to discipline and setting boundaries, can certainly make the transition less rocky for the whole family.

1. Try to maintain the rules that existed when you were married. If your kids weren’t allowed to watch television before 7:00am, don’t suddenly make it okay to do that.  When everything in your child’s life seems to be changing, having structure around rules can provide a sense of stability.
2. Every divorce comes with its own set of communication issues between parents.  As much as you can, discuss big decisions and establish boundaries together. If you have a less-than-collaborative relationship with your ex, focus on the big issues and try not to sweat the smaller ones.  The key is to keep the rules within your respective homes consistent, so your kids know what to expect in each home.
3. If you are unable to be civil with each other, especially when it comes to parenting issues, consider having a third party help.
4. Don’t overturn each other’s decisions, and don’t say yes when you had agreed to say no. Being consistent will help you, your ex and your children.
5. Don’t pit your children against the other parent – this often happens with both married and divorced couples. No matter how frustrated, hurt or angry you are at your spouse, hold your tongue and find a trusted friend that can listen to you vent.

Going back and forth between houses and parents can be tough – taking as much uncertainty and guesswork out of the picture for your kids is an important part of the transition. Make sure that your kids know the routine, rules, and boundaries in each home.  And keep the lines of communication open with your children.  They may not proactively bring up their concerns, so checking in (even if they don’t want to talk) helps them know that you’re always available.

About Jennifer Chung & Kinsights.com

Jennifer Chung is a parenting expert and co-founder of Kinsights: part parenting community, part online health record. Kinsights provides parents with a safe place to seek answers to their questions while also helping them track their child’s health information. Organize your child’s growth and developmental milestones, immunizations, medications, allergies, and more.  Connect with Kinsights at https://kinsights.com to learn more and sign-up! You can also follow them on Facebook and Twitter (@kinsights).

The post Keeping Consistency In Disciplining Between Divorced Parents appeared first on AKAMom Magazine.

With divorce rates so high, I think it’s important to remember how this huge change can impact families with children, as well as, how you as parents can put aside your differences to help your kids through it.

Be Sensitive: No matter what the situation, you’ll need to be extra sensitive when breaking the news of divorce to your children. Speak calmly and remember you’re talking to a child whose life is about to be turned upside down – as far as they know.

Remember You’re a Parent: Make a point to explain to your child that you love being their parent and that no matter what is going on between you and their mom that your feelings of love toward your children are not going to change.

Give Them a Chance to Speak: Your child might be angry at first, but after several days – or weeks – they’ll be ready to talk. When they’re ready allow them to ask questions, to voice their sadness and concern and just listen to them, showing comfort in whatever stability remains.

Keep Hostility at Bay: Many divorces come with their fair share of hostility and anger. Do your very best to keep that out of your house and away from your children – as difficult as that may be. It’s not going to help your child to witness you and your wife screaming and squabbling over every last item you’ve shared together.

Find Support: Finding support for both the parents and the children is extremely important. If your child is having a difficult time with the news encourage them to talk to a counselor, a teacher or a friend who has witnessed divorce already. Additionally, the huge life change can be difficult for the parents, too. I suggest seeking out a therapist, friend or family member to talk to if you need a bit of extra support yourself. 

Divorce can be very difficult, but it doesn’t mean your child’s changing life will have to be horrible or difficult. Fall back on routine and remember to express your love to your children as often as possible.

Sincerely,

Daddy Nickell

Robert Nickell, aka Daddy Nickell, father of 7, offers his “5 cents” worth of advice to expectant and new parents. Daddy Nickell is the founder of Daddyscrubs.com, delivery room duds and daddy apparel, and DaddyScrubs blog where he covers topics about parenting and the latest baby and kids gear, all from a Dad’s perspective.

The post Helping Kids Through Divorce appeared first on AKAMom Magazine.