By Jennifer Chung, Kinsights.com
A parent’s first priority is to protect their kids from harm. No parent wants to see their child experience disappointment, failure or pain. As a result, parents sometimes become a helicopter mom or dad and hover over their child’s every move. Kids need involved and active parents in order for them to successfully mature. However, if parents constantly hover and prevent them from failing at every turn, kids never have the opportunity to learn from their mistakes. Each time a child fails, he learns valuable lessons about how life works and how to solve problems and make better decisions moving forward. So it’s important to find the balance between supporting your child and protecting him or her from real danger or harm vs. removing opportunities to grow. Check out these tips to avoid becoming a helicopter parent.
Teach kids to be responsible for their own actions – Helicopter parents often take parenting to unhealthy levels which can lead to parents taking responsibility for their child’s actions. For instance, if a child forgets his homework, the parent will take it to the school so the child doesn’t face consequences. This can foster an attitude of not needing to be responsible which can hurt a child later in life. Resist your impulse to rescue your child and focus on the bigger lesson of helping your child take responsibility.
Set boundaries to foster good self-esteem – When kids have the freedom to make mistakes they learn how to do things on their own. Parents that provide support and encouragement create kids with good self-esteem, that take pride in doing things themselves, and who take responsibility for their own actions. They have a healthy respect for the boundaries their parents set and they have a firm understanding that natural consequences happen when they don’t act responsibly.
Allow natural consequences for actions – Hovering parents can make changes in their parenting style by allowing their children to experience natural consequences. For instance, if your child forgets to get a permission slip signed for a field trip, rather than jump through hoops to get the teacher to make an exception, let your child sit at school and do school work. The natural consequence will teach him the importance of meeting a deadline. The disappointment he feels will be a lasting lesson the next time a permission slip is due.
Let kids experience failure – Allowing kids to feel uncomfortable will help them change their behaviors to realize different outcomes. Rather than handle the situation yourself, coach your child with ways to handle a dispute with siblings or friends. Or, if your child’s grade drops due to forgetting to turn in an assignment, guide him or her to set up a better organizational system instead of complaining to the teacher.
Put processes in place to help your child succeed – Set up a routine for them to follow like putting homework in backpacks and setting them by the door you exit each morning. Have a standard place and time to do homework each night. Lay out clothes the night before, so kids have everything to get ready for school at their fingertips. Kids function better with structure. Parents shouldn’t do things for kids that they can do for themselves, so invest in giving them skills to be more independent.
Prepare kids for your absence – Kids need to have support and encouragement from parents, but it can embarrass them if mom is always there. Kids develop a reputation with other students and possibly their teacher if mom is always trying to fix things that may not even be a problem. Kids need to learn that other adults can be responsible for them and keep them safe when mom and dad aren’t around.
Pop the bubble – Parents get stuck in the helicopter mentality when they want to create a bubble around their child to protect them from pain and discomfort. Rather than preventing them from experiencing natural consequences, equip them with skills to handle fear, failure and disappointment. Help them use those experiences to move forward to a life of success in coping with the trials life has in store.
Life is filled with obstacles and challenges. None of us live a life void of problems that need to be solved. Raise confident kids by giving them the freedom to make mistakes while they are at home. Don’t shield them from difficult experiences. Instead, use those experiences as teachable moments to propel them forward by coaching them through it. Allow them the freedom to fall down while you can be there to help them dust off their knees and put them back on the right path. You’ll both be glad you did!
About Jennifer Chung & Kinsights:
Jennifer Chung is a parenting expert and co-founder of Kinsights.com: part parenting community, part online health record. Kinsights provides parents with a safe place to seek answers to their questions while also helping them track their child’s health information. Organize your child’s growth and developmental milestones, immunizations, medications, allergies, and more. Connect with Kinsights at https://kinsights.com to learn more and sign-up! You can also follow them on Facebook and Twitter (@kinsights).
