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Wrapping March

Wrapping March

I have an issue with cling wrap. Assuming you can find the invisible end against the clear roll, you quickly discover the only thing the thin plastic sheet clings to is itself.   Heaven help you if it folds together accidentally after being pulled from the roll.  And just try to free something that has been mummified in cling wrap.  Forget about it.

But, I suppose, it does have its uses.  For example, if you take a big roll of the stuff and pass it under and over a bed many times while someone is still sleeping you can easily create a giant cocoon from which there is very little chance of escape.  And if you wrap up an alarm clock really tight you can see the time even though you can’t depress the buttons.

It’s pretty strong and transparent too.  Especially when stretched across a cold shower stall.

Until last year when my alarm inexplicably went off at full volume on April 1st, I would never have thought of such creative uses for cling wrap. But it turns out my wife and kids are very clever with the stuff.   And here I thought it was just to keep food fresh.

Needless to say, I felt pretty foolish when I saw the empty tube of cardboard next to the bed.  Especially since it was only March 32nd.  At least this is what I innocently told my kids.

When they heard this they rolled their eyes and scoffed.  They think just because I was born yesterday that I was born yesterday.  “Dad,” said my son sarcastically,  “did you know the word gullible was inadvertently omitted from the Webster Dictionary?  It’s true! Go ahead, look it up!”

I did.  He is wrong.  But he won’t feel so smarty pants when he opens his lunch at school this year.  Saran Wrap also keeps Play-Doh really fresh.

John Christmann is a freelance writer and all around good guy. He lives in Summit, NJ with his very tolerant wife and three children. His favorite color is plaid and he is afraid of machines and small dogs. You can check out his unique take on parenting at or fill up his inbox at