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Color Me Back to School

By John Christmann 

The envelope please . . . and the top of this year’s back to school list, once again, is 64 Crayola Crayons!

Excuse me, but do we really believe that buying 64 Crayola crayons will somehow make our kids more successful than if we shoved in their pockets the three broken crayons they take home from the local restaurant?

I don’t know about you, but I have never received a note from a teacher saying, “your child is missing Midnight Indigo, please replace it immediately.”

It wouldn’t be so bad if school supplies were just limited to stalwarts like crayons and #2 pencils.  But there are so many other questionable items required these days.  Last year my son needed “one non-cursive, marble-covered Laurel, with 50 to 60 leaves”.  I remember thinking, “Why does my child need a tree?”  I canvassed the local nurseries for two days before I learned this was a particular kind of composition notebook.

And of course to carry all this stuff I also have to buy him a backpack.

When my son gets a little older things will be easier.  Then he will be allowed to strap a file cabinet on his back and trudge to school with his papers and his 64 crayons and his #2 pencils filed securely between the educational wing of the Library of Congress and his strained lumbar.

Not only will this organizational tool be helpful in shaping a career as a Sherpa, it will enable his school to do away with lockers so they can install the new computers that will one day replace the need for text books and outdated writing implements, like crayons and #2 pencils.

In the mean time, may I suggest adding to your children’s school list: 1 Pack Mule, extra strong, non-cursive in Midnight Indigo…it’s in aisle three at Staples.